


Resurrect Me

by cypheroftyr, psikitty



Series: A Promise Broken [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:13:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 36,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypheroftyr/pseuds/cypheroftyr, https://archiveofourown.org/users/psikitty/pseuds/psikitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Picks up not long after Rescue Me, and Dorian has done a very, very bad thing. Hawke has to deal with his brother whether he wants to or not, and Bull has some hard choices to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't do the thing Dorian

**Author's Note:**

> Dorian has no self control. We're using my OC Hawke, Invictus and her OC Trevelyan, Lisbeth for this series.

“Can you fix me?” Varania asked

It had started out innocuously enough--the need to help, and the ability to do so. But when it came to Dorian Pavus, such things were never so simple. 

Dorian’s desire to help, to do something, was what had caused him to run to the Inquisition in the first place, leaving his family and his way of life behind for a year. But it had led him to Bull, and for that Dorian would never have regrets over. 

But those words, spoken so earnestly, spoken with such need in them, tore at the heart Dorian professed to sometimes not have. He withdrew a magical key from his robes, walked silently to the door to his study, and magically sealed the room with the key, preventing any unwanted listeners from overhearing things he knew were better left unsaid, but he would utter them anyway. 

The plain fact was he _could_ help her. 

The problem was that no one else would want him to do it. 

Dorian knew, knew in a secret part of him that he didn’t want to examine too closely, that he was already on a slippery slope of questionable magic. He could see it every time he looked at his palms and the scarred lines from one too many times he had performed blood magic. 

He gestured for Varania to sit down, his gaze slipping over the lyrium markings in her skin that were so like her brothers, with slight differences. He took a seat next to her looked her directly in the eyes, eyes like Fenris’, and uttered a single word.

“Yes.” 

**

While Dorian began to work on his sibling, Fenris paced around while Zevran watched him wear a path on the carpet.

“She’s broken, it’s my fault. I should have done more, Zev. I shouldn’t have let her leave Kirkwall, not like she did. How, how could ...how could someone else do that? I thought the knowledge died with Danarius. She’s my sister, fuck how did this even happen?” Fenris snapped as he flung himself into a chair finally. 

“Are you asking me honestly? We both know the answers to all of your questions. It happened because evil men will always do evil things. It happened because she is an elf, yes? I have looked over some of what Dorian had found in the former Archon’s chambers. I do not understand the magical process, but they were growing more and more desperate and thought your bloodline was the key. I do not know if they were right, but they would have gone after her, no matter where she was. Do not blame yourself for the actions of evil men.” Zevran crossed his legs at the ankle and leaned against the mantle to the fireplace. 

“What could be special about our bloodline?” Fenris asked tiredly. The whole idea of Varania being put through the horrors he had had preyed on his mind since they’d convinced her to stay at the Villa.

“I do not know. But I do know that to blame yourself will only lead to madness. You could ask yourself ‘Why did I not stop her?’ ‘Why did I not look for her?’ and you will never know the answers and you will never know if you had changed your actions if anything would have been different.”

“I worry for her, and I am not convinced that Dorian will not fool around with things he should not consider to help her. She seemed far too interested in what he had to say regarding time magic and our ...our markings. Hawke thinks perhaps because she is a mage, that would have something to do with her surviving. I ...do not know why I made it where others did not.” Fenris hopped up to pace again, his mind running in several directions at once.

“Fate?” Zevran asked. “Luck? Strength? The Divine Hand of the Maker? Who knows why some of us survive hardships and others do not?” 

His eyes slid to the slightly shimmering door. “And I am not convinced either. He has prevented us from overhearing them. A Magister with secrets is not rare, but is not good either, no?” 

“No, I am sorely tempted to break the door open but I do not want to destroy the little bit of trust she has shown me. As much as I despise it, I will wait.” Fenris glared at the door before he returned to circling the room.

**  
“You’re mad,” Varania blurted out. She shook her head, her eyebrows drawn down sharply. “Mad. What you’re proposing it… it…” 

“It will work,” Dorian insisted. “I’ve perfected the spell, learned from the mistakes of others.”

“You said that time magic was what created the hole in the sky. I won’t have you doing the same on my behalf.” 

“Alexius punched through the Veil in order to try to get to the point in time he wanted. His desperation led him to crash around. His lack of finesse was almost our undoing.” Dorian glanced down at his hands and the thin, white scars. “I don’t blame him for that. Desperation makes us do things we otherwise wouldn’t. He was trying to save someone he loved, and he paid the price for how he went about doing it.” 

He looked back up. “But I helped him to develop the theory that led to his discoveries. I’ve done tests. The trick is to part the Veil just enough, to not tear, but to slide through the cracks that lyrium uses to get to our world from the Fade.”

“And that’s it?” she asked. “To go back to a point where you can prevent this from happening, all you need is to slide right through? What of a cost?”

“There’s always a cost, but it will be my blood, my sacrifice that will pay it. You want your life back, your memories. I can give them to you. What happened to your brother was my fault. What happened to you was my fault.” 

There was a deep need in Dorian to make up for the mistakes he made that led to Fenris’ ruin for so many years. If he could give him his sister back…

It was so easy now to use the power of the sacrifice of his blood, so simple. He understood now that it wasn’t a weakness of the mind that led mages to use blood magic, but a hubris in thinking that they were any different from thousands of others before them. 

Dorian had never lacked for ego, especially when it came to magic. 

But it wasn’t the blood magic that was dangerous, it was the time spell. The arrogance to think that he would change things at his whim. 

_How is this any different than what Alexius was trying to do to save Felix?_ a voice in his head asked. 

“This is the only way,” Dorian said aloud, more to convince himself. “There is no removing the lyrium from you. Your memories might return in time, but if you want your markings gone… I’m sorry, Varania.”

**  
Bull came in to find Fenris had thrown himself in a chair once more, Zevran had fallen silent since nothing he said made his brooding lover feel any better. Hawke had gone back to the Vyrantium Circle to conclude his business 

Fenris stared at the door like he could make it burst into flames if he glared hard enough. 

“Why don’t you go knock?” Bull suggested.

“Because this would make sense, and our Fenris would rather brood,” Zevran said archly. “But we love him anyway, yes?” 

“I’d rather not have his fist in my chest, but if you want to antagonize him go right ahead.” Bull replied.

“Don’t be a smart ass, Arainai.” Fenris huffed before he stood before the door, closed his eyes and knocked. He hoped that nothing had transpired that would make him worry more.

“I thought you loved my smart ass, yes?” Zevran muttered behind him. 

There was a long pause and the shimmering around the door disappeared before it clicked open.

Fenris entered slowly, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Varania was alright. “Are you done talking?”

Bull and Zevran had risen as well, unsure how things would go between the siblings and Dorian.

She exchanged a look with Dorian before nodding. “We’re done for the moment. He’s given me a lot to think on.” 

She had only been at the villa for a few weeks, and even though she had vague memories of Fenris, flashes of the elf once known as Leto, she still had a hard time speaking to him.

The warrior scowled at Dorian over her shoulder but didn’t voice his concerns, not with her present. “Very well, I was just worried since you’d been in there for a while. May we speak later?” 

“Dorian, let’s give them time alone, and I’d like to see you since you’ve been locked away most of the day.” Bull said as he let the elven siblings pass by him

The magister watched them go and breathed out a slow breath, leaning back in his chair. 

“So what did happen with you two? She looked shaken, Dori.” Bull asked as he settled in across from his lover.

Dorian arched an eyebrow at the nickname, but let it go. One fight incoming was going to be enough for the day. But Dorian also was hoping there would be no fight at all. 

“I told her what I would need to do in order to give her what she wanted,” Dorian said simply.

“It’s never that simple but I’m not gonna pry, for now. I have missed you.” Bull said as he pulled Dorian into his arms and hugged him close.

Dorian closed his eyes and rested his head against Bull’s chest. “I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately.”

“Come to bed and make it up to me, not just for sex I want to be with you for a while.” Bull replied quietly before he kissed the top of his mage’s head. “You need a bath, and to wash your hair. I can smell it a bit.”

Slowly, Dorian pulled back slightly from Bull. “Pardon? Are you saying I smell bad?” 

“Not bad but your hair could do with a wash kadan. I could do with a bath myself, why don’t we enjoy each other’s company in that giant marble tub of yours?” Bull grinned mischieviously.

Dorian narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “I feel as if I should find fault with that, but I can’t seem to.” He slipped his hand into Bull’s and tugged him towards the door insomuch as he was able to tug someone of Bull’s size. 

“Good.” Bull scooped his lover into his arms and carried him into their chambers with a smirk. “Don’t look so offended, you forget I can pick you up like you weigh nothing, Dori.”

“Ugh,” Dorian sniffed. “That nickname again. Why do you insist on it so much?” 

“Why don’t you? I think it’s ...cute.” Bull said as he set the mage down.

Dorian straightened his robes and strode into the bathing chamber. “Cute? Well if you put it that way,” he grinned. “Of course you shatter your image of not being a marshmallow inside a hard chocolate shell each time someone hears you say it.” 

“I’m not a marshmallow.” Bull huffed as he followed Dorian in. “You’re going to come up with a cutesy nickname too aren’t you?”

“Well it’s a matter of honor now, isn’t it?” Dorian asked. He pulled his clothes off, folding each piece neatly and setting them in a basket by the door before stepping towards the large, marble tub inlaid into the floor. 

“As long as you don’t make it obnoxious, you can get away with calling me what you like.” Bull said as he stripped off and started the tub. 

“If you insist, Bully-Bear,” Dorian cooed. His laughter rang in the room while he stepped into the warm water.

The warrior shuddered at the nick-name but didn’t fight with his lover. He’d wait until he could get him to agree it was a terrible thing to call him. Instead Bull slipped in behind him, poured some of the floral scented liquid soap into his hands so he could later up the mage’s hair.

Dorian sighed in contentment as the thick mass was moved and cleaned. His hair was a bigger pain now than when it was shorter, but Dorian had to admit, he did like it when Bull played with the strands as he was now.

“So, what are you going to do that will make us all angry at you? You have that look about you.” Bull asked as he shielded Dorian’s eyes to rinse his hair.

“No fair,” Dorian groaned. “Asking when you’ve gotten me so relaxed.” 

“You can wait to answer me then, I won’t cheat. But you have that look about you like when you were desperate and did blood magic.” Bull whispered in his ear before he let his mage rest against him while he held him close.

“That’s because I am predictable at times,” Dorian murmured. He relished the closeness with Bull before it was over and the inevitable stiffening on the kossith’s body as his words finally sunk in.

“We’ll talk after dinner, I don’t want to ruin the moment, kadan.” Bull replied before he nipped at the other man’s neck with a pleased rumble.

Dorian’s mouth fell open on a gasp and he rolled his hips back against Bull. “No ruining the moment, excellent idea,” he groaned. 

“Good boy, you can behave when you put your mind to it.” Bull whispered before he tilted Dorian’s head back for a kiss.

Dorian shuddered against Bull at his words, his mouth opening eagerly for the kiss. 

Bull turned him around, tugged his thick hair and kissed him like he was never going to get the chance again. “Get out, dry us off and then I’m going to fuck you senseless. It’s been too long since I’ve made you light something on fire.”

“And my sheets have thanked you for it, even if my body hasn’t,” Dorian rasped. He climbed out of the bath and dried himself off quickly. 

“Well they won’t be too thankful later.” Bull muttered as he watched his lover hurry to their bed.

Dorian crawled into the bed, his cock already hardening in anticipation. “Oh? Is that a promise?” 

“Definitely a promise.” Bull said as he leaned over his lover, pinned his hands over his head and tugged the gold hoop that adorned the mage’s ear. “Better not have anything to do for a while, I’ve got a whole lot of time to catch up on.” 

“Reminding me of what I’ll lose if I do stupid things?” Dorian asked on a gasp.

“Yes, you could say that.” Bull rumbled in his ear

Dorian opened his mouth to say more, but leaned up instead to crush his lips to Bull’s. He spread his legs wide, and slipped them up the backs of Bull’s thighs.

“Someone is eager to ride the Bull,” the kossith growled in Dorian’s ear as he felt his lover grind against him as he whimpered.

“Someone is always eager,” Dorian teased back. “You’ve ruined me.” Their lips met in a crash, Dorian’s body writhing under Bull.

“Ruined you for the better I hope.” Bull laughed as he pulled away, his one hand still holding both of Dorian’s down before he took a long, hungry look at the man under him. “Are you going to be good for me?”

“Now if I was good for you, then what fun would that be?” Dorian asked archly. “I like to think I’m very bad for you…” 

“You are bad for me, I’ve almost lost my wandering eye because of you and your ways. You are a very bad man Pavus, what can we do to change that, hmm?” Bull asked as he let his nails trail down Dorian’s chest to tease him.

Dorian arched into the touch. “Almost lost your wandering eye? I see the way you look at others, Bull. But you look at me the most so I don’t mind.” 

“Maybe you should get me on my hands and knees and show me just how much you like me,” he all but purred.

“Then you’re getting what you want, you’re not slick, Pavus.” Bull said as he let his fingers slide further down Dorian’s body.

“I can get as slick and as wet as you want me,” Dorian replied, purposefully reinterpreting Bull’s words.

“You are a piece of work. Turn over and give me some oil.” Bull rumbled as he let Dorian free to obey him.

Dorian did as he was told, arching his back once he was on his hands and knees to present himself to Bull. He reached back and muttered a quick spell, greasing Bull’s offered hand.

“Good boy, talk to me while I get you ready. Tell me how bad you want it, and I might give it to you.” Bull said as he slicked two fingers from the pool of oil in his palm.

As Bull worked him open, Dorian began to speak, his accent thickening and at time slipping into Tevene. He told Bull how much he loved his thick cock, how it always seemed to pound into him in all the right places. He told Bull that when they had been parted he would dream of his lover and wake up with his fingers wrapped around his spasming erection. 

Then he spoke of how it was more than just the sex, that it was the connection they had that made what Bull did to him all the more intense.

Dorian curled his fingers into the sheets below him, rocking back on the thick fingers inside him. “The way you squeeze my hip right before you come,” Dorian groaned. “I do that to you, make you lose control that way.” 

“Gotta work on my tells, didn’t realize you’d noticed.” Bull rasped as he slipped a third finger into his lover and curled them slightly. “I love how you look when you come, the abandon on your face.” 

Dorian’s arms collapsed under him and his upper body lowered to the bed, forcing his ass up. The groan he let out was guttural and needy. 

“You want me? Gotta ask nice.” Bull said as he pulled his fingers free and wiped them clean on a towel he’d set aside. He tapped his fingers against Dorian’s ass while he waited.

“Fuck me,” Dorian began immediately. “Please, fuck me. I love your cock. I need it.” He rolled his ass up. “Can’t you see how wet and open I am for you?” 

“Dirty boy, just begging for it..” Bull slapped Dorian’s ass before he started to slide into him, slow, easy so his man would either go wild or beg more.

Dorian’s mouth went slack and his eyes rolled closed in pleasure. He spread his thighs wider, pushing back against Bull’s tight grip to get more of what he needed.

“Maker,” Dorian rasped. “Love this part so much.” That first connection always had Dorian fighting for control.

Bull said nothing as he held Dorian down until he was flush against the other man’s ass. “You’re always so tight, just like I hadn’t fucked you stupid a week ago.” he groaned before he wrapped one hand in Dorian’s thick hair and tugged, hard.

Dorian’s eyes finally closed in bliss when his head was pulled back at a sharp angle. There was something about the dominance of it that set Dorian off like no other. His cock twitched dangerously between his legs, leaking on the sheets below.

“You try so hard to be dangerous, but get you in bed you are so soft, so easy if I fuck you good and steady.” Bull rumbled as he started to stroke slow and deep, enough to make Dorian whimper for him.

And whimper Dorian did. Each slow stroke became an exquisite torture, one that had Dorian pleading for more. He wanted Bull to go faster, harder, but he wanted him to continue the languid thrusts that pushed Dorian ever closer to the edge. His words became a babble of asking Bull for more, and begging him to stop teasing.

“What was that? You want more?” Bull whispered before he leaned over Dorian, pressed one hand against the headboard and another around his lover’s waist before he warned him to hang on. He gave Dorian what he’d begged for, nothing short of hard, fast strokes that made their bed creak under them.

He laughed as he tugged at Dorian’s earlobe between hard thrusts designed to make his mage moan and whine until he was muttering only in Tevene for him.

Dorian’s climax came on him fast. His stomach muscles contracted sharply and a moan was ripped out of him, while his body shook under Bull’s hand. For several long moments, Dorian only knew pleasure and how Bull was fucking him through it, drawing out every bit of his lover’s orgasm.

“Bad mage, didn’t say you could come yet...gonna make you pay for that.” Bull rasped as he slammed into Dorian hard and fast. “Gonna fill you, make you beg…” 

“Too good,” Dorian gasped. “Couldn’t help it. Your fault.” 

Bull couldn’t reply, he was too close to his own orgasm to retort until he started to fill Dorian, his breath came in short hard pants over the other man’s skin. “Goddamn, just...goddamn.”

Dorian clenched his ass around the twitching cock, relishing the feel of each pulse.

“Fuck...I’m gonna need a little break before I go back to ravishing you, or punishing you for that.” Bull murmured before he pulled away and flopped on his back.

Dorian carefully lowered himself the rest of the way to the bed and laid sprawled out on his stomach, his eyes closed and a smile full of contentment on his lips. 

“When you aren’t a boneless heap, mind cleaning us up, kadan?” Bull asked tiredly

Dorian sat up and pushed his hair out of his face. “See, I can be good sometimes,” he laughed, slipping out of bed on wobbly feet.

“Only when it suits you, I’ve met you, Dori.” Bull huffed before he fell back and closed his eye.

“You have, haven’t you?” Dorian wiped himself cleaned and came back with a fresh, soapy flannel for Bull. “Lucky you. I am pretty wonderful.” 

“Luckily for you, I’m too tired to give you what for right now.” Bull countered as he let himself be taken care of by his lover. “Once you’re settled, we can talk about what you are probably planning to do that no one will like.”

Dorian froze, but only for an instant before he gave Bull a winning smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “If you insist…” He gathered cleaned sheets that had been waiting for him in the wardrobe and urged Bull off the bed while he changed them. 

He took his time remaking the bed, making sure each corner was smooth and straight, prolonging the inevitable conversation.

“You’re not that worried about the corners, come over here now, Dorian.” Bull rumbled as he held the blanket up for his mage.

Dorian sighed and gave in, crawling back into the bed. With a wave of his hand he put out the lanterns and their blue, magical flames, leaving only the light of the fireplace. He stared up at the ceiling, his eyes listlessly tracking the finely tiled mosaic depicting wispy spirits dancing together.

“I want you to know,” he started, “that if there were any other way I would take it.”

“You don’t need to do this, you know that right? Trying to fix a past mistake with Fenris isn’t going to be helped by fucking up time to undo what happened to his sister.” Bull said as he stared at his lover who studiously refused to look at him.

“It’s that obvious what I plan to do then?” Dorian asked softly. “She’s suffering. I can help her.” 

“Yeah, it’s that obvious. Besides you get this kicked puppy look everytime you look at either her or Fenris. Don’t do it, don’t fuck around with temporal magic Dori. Did you forget the giant, green hole in the sky already?” Bull sat up and pressed a hand to his lover’s chest, serious as he stared at him. 

“Forget it? It haunts me, Bull. We did that. I did that. All of you talk about what Corypheus did, what alexius did, but none of you have ever talked about how I had helped them do it. I won’t make the same mistakes.” he still couldn’t look at Bull. Instead he fixated on his lover’s hand.

“I think you made good on your part in it by helping the Inquisition, more by helping here. You were responsible for healing Fenris of the red lyrium corruption, you rescued Hawke. You don’t owe them and if you do this he’ll be furious, and I’ll be hurt Dori. I need to trust that you won’t fuck things up by messing around with time magic, it’s bad for everyone.” Bull gently turned Dorian’s face towards him so the mage would have to look into his eye and face him. “Please kadan.”

“So I refuse her help?” Dorian asked. “What would you do in my place? Pretend that you couldn’t do anything? what am i supposed to do, Bull, because doing nothing when I could help is…” He floundered for the words to express the guilt he would feel.

“Do nothing and accept what has happened. You can’t fix everything Pavus.” Bull said before he took Dorian’s fingers in his and squeezed. “Do you really want me to be hurt and disappointed? You swore no more blood magic, will you go back on that?” 

Dorian finally met Bull’s gaze. “No. I won’t. But I’ll have to tell her that I won’t do it. I’ll have to tell Fenris that I won’t help his sister.” 

“I’m sure he’ll be fine once he hears the reason.” Bull assured him.

“Will she?” Dorian asked.

“Dunno, you’ll have to see what she says. Unless of course you’ve already told her what you’d do. Then I’m going to be really fucking angry with you Pavus.” Bull said tiredly.

Dorian closed his eyes in resignation. “I already told her everything and have left the choice up to her.” 

“Then hope she decides against something entirely foolish and dangerous.” Bull replied. “Come here, I’m not mad, just worried.”

“And if this is what she wants?” Dorian sat up, but he didn’t move to Bull yet. “Do you still think I should tell her no after giving her hope?” 

“Fine, do what you want but remember some things can’t be undone if you fuck them up.” Bull stretched out and laced his fingers together under his head.

“I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that, don’t you?” Dorian said, concern creeping in his voice. “You are without a doubt, one of the best things to have ever happen to me. You come before almost everything in my life.” 

“Almost everything? What comes before me?” Bull asked warily, sure he might not like the answer

“My family, my responsibilities that you have urged me to take a part in?” Dorian slid up the side of Bull’s body. 

“You wanted me to be Archon.” 

“I see...I did want you to be Archon, are you angry that you weren’t chosen?” Bull asked

“No… Not now. I was at first, but politics…” Dorian shrugged. “It is what it is, and at least this way I can still be of use to the city.” 

“Hmm, as you wish Dori. Let’s get a nap, then I’m taking you for another ride...if you’re up for it.” Bull mumbled as he tugged the mage to him and got settled in.

“A nap?” Dorian laughed. “Are we getting so old that we need one after sex? Or does it mean that sex was that good. I’m going to go with the latter.” 

“The sex was that good, you can call yourself old if you want.” Bull snarked

Dorian pressed a hand to his chest. “Never!”

**

It was a month later before anyone realized that things were different. There were slight changes to the way things were as opposed to how they should be. No one could quite put their fingers on what was different, and it was Fenris who voiced his concerns first. 

“Something is wrong, and it’s driving me up a wall. There are small things that I should know, people I thought I knew and I can’t remember them now.” The elven fighter glared at his lovers, then looked to Dorian across from him. 

“What did you do, Pavus?” 

“Me?” Dorian gently dabbed at his mouth with his napkin. “Why would I have done something?” 

“Because he’s right,” Krem said. “I keep feeling like something isn’t right. Something is off.” 

“They’re all right, something isn’t right here. Things feel out of place,” Bull added.

At that moment, a quiet, redheaded elven woman entered and refreshed their drinks and tried to leave quietly but Fenris’ call of her name made her halt.

“I beg pardon, messere, I hope I did not offend.” Varania said as she tried to back away quickly.

“You… do not belong here. You, you’re wrong. This is all wrong,” Fenris said as he turned to stare at Dorian. “You did it, you did time magic, Pavus.” 

Varania and Dorian exchanged a quick glance, and that was all it took to confirm Fenris’ accusation.

Bull shot to his feet, his chair crashing to the floor behind him. “You… You lied to me!” 

Dorian glanced away, meeting Hawke’s eyes for a brief moment before looking at his plate. “Lie is such an ugly word,” he began. 

“He helped me,” Varania said. “I remember my life before, the things that had happened to me. When he took me back and fixed things it…” 

“You promised me, Dori,” Bull said between gritted teeth. “You promised me.” 

Fenris said nothing, he turned and left the dining room, the slam of the door and the clanging noise worse than if he’d lost his temper with them. 

Hawke gave Dorian a long stare of regret before he followed his lover.

Bull felt himself tensing, his rage at being deceived greater than anything he had felt against Dorian even before they’d gotten together.

“My father?” Krem asked quietly.

“Him too. I saw a chance to help him when we were gone,” Dorian replied. “He was never a slave, but a paid employee.” 

Krem’s mouth went into a thin line and he got to his feet to leave the room.

“I’m sorry, Dorian,” Varania said, tears in her voice. 

“It’s not your fault,” he assured her. 

“You lied, you broke your word Dorian Pavus. I don’t care why you did it, but you broke your fucking word to me. Look at what you’ve done here.” Bull snarled before he snatched the Pavus Crest from around his neck, threw it at Dorian and left; but his door slam was enough to crack the dark wood right down the middle.

Something inside Dorian cracked as well. He ran his fingers through his short hair, his long locks had been cut before he and varania had made their trip. Dorian had needed to be able to pass for his younger self. 

He had missed the way Bull would grab at his long strands, but hadn’t been able to say a word.

“I’m so sorry,” Varania whispered, her voice stricken.

“Not your fault,” Dorian told her, listless. “This is my responsibility.” His eyes strayed to the House crest that lay glittering and accusing on the polished table.


	2. Dorian did the thing after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian's chickens come home to roost, and get fried. Carver gets the warm welcome he expected and Bull needs to give in or get out

Bull caught up with Fenris and nearly pulled him along as he urged the elf to the home he shared with Hawke. He didn’t have words, even if he had they couldn't’ have gotten past the way his throat closed and his eye burned.

“Stop dragging me, just come along.” Fenris snapped as he led them into the foyer and right into the dining room. He didn’t bother with serving anyone, he just sat a bottle on the table, then popped open a bottle of Aggregio Pavali for himself.

Hawke strode in after them with Zevran slipping inside as well. 

“I see an angry, mage, elf, and kossith, yes?” Zevran said. “What has happened?” 

“Pavus,” Hawke said flatly. 

“He did time magic, he fucking did it anyway after he promised he wouldn’t.” Bull snarled as he grabbed a bottle of Kirkwall ale and sat opposite of where Fenris had holed up with his own stash of drink.

“And may I ask if this truly surprises you?” Zevran said. 

“Now isn’t the time for sarcasm,” Hawke warned. 

“I am not being sarcastic,” Zevran replied. “I am asking honestly. I never believed that he wouldn’t do it.” 

“You could have said as much, Arainai.” Fenris growled.

Bull didn’t speak, because he knew he’d say something he profoundly regret later.

“He wishes to help people, genuinely believes that is his purpose now. The Inquisition gave him this need.” Zevran shrugged. “It is not a bad trait to have, but it can be a dangerous one. But it is done now, and my words are meaningless in the grand scheme of things.”

“What has he changed?” Hawke asked. “What did he also decide needed fixing and didn’t tell us?” 

“I...I think he did more but it didn’t take” Fenris said quietly. He twirled the cork in table as he frowned. “I have a very vivid dream where I was not marked, my hair was dark like in the flashes of memory I get.” 

“Do you think he went that far back? But realized it was too far?” Bull pondered.

“If he went that far back…” Hawke got to his feet and began to pace. “How did we not see this?” 

“I don’t know either, but this is ridiculous.” Bull snapped.

“We must get him to tell us what he has done, yes?” Zevran said. 

“Yes,” Hawke growled. “Right fucking now.” 

“I might just murder him if I see him now, if Krem has not beat us to it.” Fenris added.

“I might just shake the fucking answers from him if he’s still in one piece.” Bull threw in as he rose to follow Hawke back to the villa.

It was an oncoming storm that made its way back to the villa. If Dorian’s guards and servants hadn’t of known Bull and the others, they would have barred their way from the looks on their faces alone. Instead, Bull was able to stride right in, 

They found Dorian back in his study, his eyes startled and slightly guilty when he saw who had thrown open the door. 

“You’ve got answers, you’d better have answers for our questions Pavus.” Fenris slurred as he glared at Dorian.

Bull didn’t sway but his gaze was dark as he fell in next to his friend.

Hawke slapped his palms on the desk and leaned forward. “What. Did. You. Do?” 

“I would answer my friend,” Zevran said idly from the doorway. 

Dorian leaned back in his chair in resignation. “I’ve done a lot of things over the past month,” he admitted. 

“Month?” Hawke sputtered. 

“Month,” Dorian nodded. 

“A month?” Fenris snarled as he leaned over the desk and grabbed at Dorian’s collar.

Dorian didn’t fight it as he was yanked to his feet and pulled halfway over the desk. 

“I did it to help your sister,” Dorian said.

“You promised you wouldn't do this, Dorian.” Bull rasped as he slammed his fist into the desk.

“She… you went too far back. I remember not being marked, I remember another life that I lived briefly. You did us both wrong with your meddling.” Fenris hissed.

Dorian barked out a bitter laugh. “You have no idea. I made so many mistakes, and it took me so long to fix them. Do any of you…” He snapped his mouth shut. 

“I was fine as I was, I have Hawke, I have my life, I am happy. Your meddling has fucked things up. Varania was working her way towards a new life, she didn’t need your fixing Pavus. Now you have caused things that cannot be undone.” Fenris shook him hard enough to make his carefully coifed hair fall in his eyes.

“You ...even after all that happened with the hole in the sky, the Inquisition you still did this?” Bull asked, his voice low and tight.

“She asked this of me,” Dorian said quietly. “She asked it of me.” His eyes slid to Bull.

“I know you won’t be able to forgive me for this. I’m sorry, Bull.” 

Fenris dropped Dorian with a disgusted snarl before he turned and slammed his fist into the closest wall.

“You broke your word Dori…”

“I broke a lot of things,” Dorian replied.

**  
_”What have we done?” Dorian asked Varania. The spell had gone off as if should have, the Veil parting just so. Dorian’s still bleeding palm was a testament to that._

_Varania looked at him wide eyed and then to the statue of the Archon in the center of Minrathous._

_The one who had been Archon when Dorian and Varania had been much younger._

_“We went too far,” she whispered, stricken._

_“We have to go back,” Dorian said in a rush. “Or at least get off the fucking street before anyone we know sees either of us.” He grabbed her arm and together they ran for an alleyway.”_

**  
“Damage upon damage,” Dorian continued. “It took so long to get things to the way they are now.”

“Is that why I remember not being marked? Why it’s so vague like a dream?” Fenris snapped as he felt Zevran grab him around the waist.

“Why for a while I felt as if I hadn’t lost my eye or ever met the Chargers?” Bull whispered brokenly

“Or why I had never met Fenris?” Hawke asked.

“Yes to all of that,” Dorian answered. “I… Varania and I went too far the first time.” 

“How far? How fucking far Dorian?” Bull asked as he started to pace around the study.

Varania had slipped against a nearby shelf, her eyes wide as she watched how the others railed against Dorian. He’d risked all that to help her, and now she saw the cost for herself.

“To before I had met Fenris in Seheron,” Dorian replied. “So many years ago and I… It was too far.” 

“Why would you do this?” Fenris asked before he snarled at Zevran to release him.

“I’m going, I can’t deal with this… you. You looked me right in the face and lied, Dorian.” Bull sounded like he was going to lose himself if he didn’t go.

“We’ve got a spare room if you wish.” Hawke offered.

“Don’t go, Bull, please,” Dorian pleaded. 

“Why? Why the fuck should I stay when you lied to me Pavus? Looked me right in the face and fucking lied to me about not doing this when you knew, you damned well know what could have happened. Give me a damn good reason to not forget I ever knew you.” Bull snarled at the man that had broken his heart.

“Don’t do things in haste, let me get them home and if you choose not to stay, know you have an invitation to stay with us.” Hawke offered as he tried to get Fenris moved towards the door rather than trying to tear Dorian’s head off.

It wouldn't make things different and what was done, was done. Granted him being the level headed one in the situation was not something he expected.

“I love you,” Dorian said simply. “Please, Bull.” 

“I can’t really believe you love me when you did this. You get one chance to talk and if I don’t like what you have to say, then we’re done. Am I clear?” Bull’s voice sounded strained and he fought not to just leave, head back to Skyhold and never look back.

One chance? Dorian’s face was stricken as he found his silver tongue failing him. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me. But I found that when faced with being able to help someone, I couldn’t say no.”

“Save it until we’re alone, I will not have an audience for this.” Bull might as well have been stone for as much emotion that showed on his face.

Dorian exhaled slowly through parted lips and waited for the others to leave the room. Varania was last and she mouthed an apology before closing the door behind her. 

Fenris left ahead of his lovers, his mood violent as he tore through the streets towards their home. He was in no mood to talk or be coddled. Hawke and Zevran looked at each other with worry as he hurried ahead of them. They’d get him settled as soon as they were home.

**

Bull stood, arms crossed and expression thunderous as he stared at Dorian.

“I meant what I said.” In the silence, Dorian thought his voice was almost too loud. 

“That’s not enough, tell me why you lied to me Dorian. Why would you risk everything for this? To break the trust Hawke and Fenris had in you, the trust I had in you for fucking what?” Bull yelled, the only hint of emotion he’d show.

“For Varania, and for myself,” he said simply.

“So you’d lose me, everything for helping her? For your own selfish means?” Bull’s voice went cold as he watched Dorian try to find the thing that would make him stay.

“You’d lose an eye for a man you have never met?” Dorian retorted. “How is what I did any different?” 

“I learned to live with it, but I didn’t fuck up time to save Krem.” Bull said as he glared at Dorian still. 

“You know they will never trust you again, and right now I don’t. I can’t. Was this worth it Dorian? To lose so much?” Bull asked tiredly.

Dorian shook his head. “And I thought you would understand.”

“I understand, that doesn’t make it easy to accept. Do you know what it means that you lied to me and expect me to forgive so easily?” Bull asked as he sat finally, his head in his hands.

“I didn’t expect to be forgiven for the lie, but as to why... It was too dangerous Bull, I couldn’t risk taking you with me.”

“I didn’t think you’d expect me to support this bullshit, or ask me to come with you.” 

“Bullshit?” dorian asked quietly. Dorian felt caught between two warring emotions. He felt guilty and his heart had been shattering for the lies and broken promises, but he had also accomplished something no other magister as far as he knew he ever done, he had helped Varania as well. The need to make amends, and the need to defend his actions swirled in a maelstrom, making his words go back and forth.

“Yes, this bullshit. You fucked with time, Dorian. It’s like you have forgotten all the things that happened in Redcliffe, with the Inquisition out of some desire to help fix something you didn’t break. Varania wasn’t your fault, but you’re so convinced you needed to help look at what you’ve done to her, to Fenris, me...us.” Bull said tiredly.

“And what about what I accomplished? Does that mean nothing? There are no holes in the sky, Bull. I did it. Me!” Dorian tapped his chest.

“So this is about us not recognizing your brilliance? Not throwing away the trust of people who you’ve wronged with this, or me? I gave you my fucking heart Dorian, that’s not something I do lightly or easily. Does what you’ve broken mean nothing in the face of us not recognizing your genius?” Bull countered.

“You knew who I was when you fucking slept with me,” Dorian countered. “Just as I knew who you were. All of you are so scared about blood magic, that none of you have stopped to think about anything else. Why is what I did more horrible than anything else any of you have ever done?” 

Bull inhaled, his jaw clenched as he stood and towered over the other man. “You are trying to make this into how we’re failing to appreciate what you’ve done here. When what you’ve done wasn’t wanted or needed. You are failing to see that you’ve pissed away the trust of a man who just as easily could have let you die when we went against the Venatori.

You took his sister from him, you let her have a get of the Void free card while the rest of us have to deal with the effects of your _help_ Dorian. Maybe think about someone besides her, and what you’ve broken by your actions. Do you really think it was worth it? Hawke barely trusted you, I’ve given blood, sweat tears, so much to protect you and honor your name here. Yet, you’ve made this all about you and how none of us are grateful for your work, nor appreciate you. I thought you knew me better, I thought you were better Pavus.”

“If you only knew what I… And I had to keep silent about it. All this time. Do you really think it took me a month to get everything the way it is now? I lived a lifetime, stuck in a time where you did not know me. I did that to myself, Bull. Any punishment you think you can mete out… I watched you die. I watched you live. I watched you let Krem go that day in the tavern. I watched a mace come towards your face and did nothing. So many possibilities, and I lived them all. That was just one single moment in time, one heartbeat. I know I lied to you, Bull. You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you. To get everything out. 

“If I am making it about what I did, it’s because that was my life for years. Back and forth, back and forth.” Dorian’s hands shook. “I missed you so much. Every day I was there I regretted doing it. Every day I regretted not telling you. But as I became mired in it, I couldn’t stop.” 

Dorian glanced away. “I couldn’t stop, Bull.” 

“What the fuck do we do now? You act like what you went through absolves you from our anger, our hurt. What the fuck do we do now Dorian?” Bull’s voice and hand trembled as he gripped the handle and considered what he would do, if he could forgive his lover for this.

“So many times I thought about going back and stopping myself from doing it. But would I be able to go back and warn myself if I never did it in the first place? That’s the thing that broke the world. That’s where Alexius went wrong. I…” 

Dorian buried his face in his hands. “I knew this day would come. I ruined things, Bull. Was it worth it? When I look at Varania I think it was. But the rest of you… No… I don’t think so.” 

“Where do we go from here? I don’t...I don’t want to lose us, but this is ...this is so fucked up.” Bull said tiredly before he let his head hit the door.

“I don’t know,” Dorian answered quietly. “I don’t know, Bull. You will never trust me again, and neither will the others.” 

“I don’t even want to stay...but I can’t make myself open this door either. How am I supposed to look at you, love you when I know you’ll lie to me with a smile?” Bull asked as he finally turned and stared at Dorian, his eye bright with anger and unshed tears.

Dorian lifted his head and drew himself up. A sardonic smile slipped over his lips. “Then don’t. We both knew deep down that this would end this way. I won’t force a man who doesn’t want to stay with me by my side. I’ve done enough of that now.” 

He got to his feet and walked to the sideboard, pouring himself a glass of wine, his back to Bull. Inside he was screaming, crying out for a way to make it better. But the pain was too much, the knowledge that his sins had finally come home, and there would be no going back for his betrayal of Bull.

“So you’ll just end it, like that? I want this to work but you need to accept what you’ve done in this Dorian. Why can’t you see I ...I should fucking run back to Skyhold, but I want this to work I need this to be fixable. What do we do?” Bull wiped at his face angrily as he tried to calm himself and not let his feelings overrule his sense.

“No… Not just like that.” Dorian turned and leaned back against the sideboard, glass in hand. “I fought for you for days, weeks, months. I know it means little to you, but I did, Bull. But you’re right in saying that I act as if what I did will make it all better. It never will. Fenris and Hawke will never forgive me, and you will never look at me the same. 

“I want to tell you to go to the Void. I want you to walk away so I don’t have to even try. I want to be able to go back to what I was before I met you and feelings and commitment came into it. It was easier then, Bull. 

“I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know what to do. Do I make another promise I won’t do it again? Would you even believe me if I did? Would I even believe me? You act as if I don’t even realize what I did was wrong, but I do. I realize it more than you want to believe I do. It’s easier for you to think I don’t understand, because if I did understand, and I did it anyway, it makes the betrayal harder.” 

“What about my feelings? Do you have any idea how much I’m hurting?” Bull slumped into chair, covered his face and let the tears he’d tried to hold back come freely. It didn’t matter if Dorian saw him break again, he’d seen it before.

“I know,” Dorian whispered. “I’m sorry, Bull.” Dorian had reached a place that he knew well, a place where he didn’t hurt, and he pushed everything down far below the surface.

“My selfishness has been our undoing. You’re too good of a man for that.” 

“Stop trying to make me go dammit.” Bull rasped as he looked up. “Do you want this to work or not? Or are you just gonna piss away all this time, everything?”

Dorian closed his eyes, his hands curling into fists. He hadn’t lied, he wanted Bull to go, to make it easier for Dorian to be alone, wallow in his guilt and pain. But Bull as usual wasn’t going to leave it be. He was going to push Dorian into doing the hard thing, because that was what he always did, that’s what made Dorian want to be a better person.

“I don’t want you to go,” he finally rasped. “I don’t want you to leave me. But I can’t promise I won’t ruin things again, I can only promise I will try my utmost not to. I can only promise never to lie to you like that again.” 

“I guess that’s the best you can give me. I need a couple days alone, just to think. Can you give me that? I’ll be back tomorrow, right now I’m too fucked up to not make this worse. I need to think, to get it right up here.” Bull gestured at his horns, then dropped his head back in his hands with an exhausted sigh. 

Dorian nodded even though Bull couldn’t see him. “Yes.”

“Fine, I’ll see you tomorrow, probably by lunch. I need to get out of here.” Bull said as he rose and left with one final glance back at his mage.

Dorian drained his wine glass and then drew his arm back, throwing it across the room to shatter against the wall.

“Well done, Magister Pavus,” he muttered to himself. “Well done.” 

**

Fenris had locked himself in his study away from everyone by the time Bull had returned. The kossith found Hawke and Zevran in the dining room, exhausted and haunted looking.

“Still got a bed for me? I need to sleep on the talk I had with him. Maybe talk with you all before I try to work on this.” Bull asked as he joined them.

“What did he have to say for himself?” Hawke asked. 

“He knows he fucked up, but in some ways he ...he’s not, I don’t know how he’s seeing things right now. It’s this damned desire to help, to make up for past sins that made it worse. He’s never going to get over what he did to Fenris. He’s never going to get over it, and I think that in some way he might have thought he was helping him through fixing Varania.” Bull swiped a bottle of ale.

“He’s a magister,” Zevran shrugged. “Of course he would see it differently, no?” 

“I don’t think that makes a difference,” Hawke growled. 

“Regardless, I’m fucked up in the head but I needed to get out of there for a while. Have you eaten yet? Where is Fenris?” Bull asked as he noticed they were short one elf.

“Resting,” Hawke said flatly. 

“We have eaten,” Zevran acknowledge. “And now we drink, yes?” 

“I need something to eat, I’ll see what I can find.” Bull headed for the kitchen, and nearly tripped over a letter that had fallen to the floor. “Looks important Hawke, did you see this?” 

He tossed the letter with the seal of the Kirkwall Chantry on it to Invictus before he went in and sent the cook shrieking out of the room. “I just wanted a sandwich ser!”

Hawke dropped the letter on the table as if it burned, grimacing down at the familiar scrawl on the front. 

“You should open it,” Zevran urged. 

“No… No I shouldn’t.” 

“You should and if you don’t I will.” Fenris snarled from behind his lovers.

Hawke’s head whipped back, while Zevran only betrayed the slightest flinch.

“Well done, yes?” Zevran said with a laugh. “You are getting better at sneaking up on people.” 

“I’m not opening it,” Hawke grumbled.

“I could have killed both of you without a word.” Fenris grumbled as he snatched the letter up, opened it and grinned. “Better hope Bull doesn’t want a permanent spot, you’ve got a visitor coming.” the elven warrior draped himself over Hawke’s shoulders and read the letter to them before he pressed a kiss to Vic’s cheek and headed for the kitchen.

“I’ve missed Carver, it’ll be nice to have someone to fight with.” He said with a wink at his lover. He’d gotten on with the younger Hawke like meat and bread, he’d missed him when Vic cut him out of his life and the official summons from the Magisterium meant Hawke couldn’t argue against it.

“I hate him so much,” Hawke snarled. 

“Who, Fenris or your brother?” Zevran asked.

“Right now? Both.” 

Fenris came back with a plate, a large flagon of water and Bull in tow. “You don’t hate me and you really need to work on this hatred of your sibling. He didn’t become a templar to spite you, despite your assertions to the contrary.”

“I’m a mage, and was an apostate. Carver doesn’t like me and the first moment he could, he joined with them…” 

“Well he is going to be living with you for the time being,” Zevran noted as he scanned over the missive. 

“I’m just going to to take this and go to my room.” Bull offered before Fenris shook his head no. 

“No, this is going to be ugly and you’ll hear us shouting anyway.” the elven fighter shrugged and looked over to Vic, sure their old fight was about to get another run around the track.

“There’s nothing to fight about,” Vic insisted. “Carver is an asshole, and I don’t want him in my house. But I have no choice, now do I?” 

“No, you don’t. I’d think after all the shit we’ve been through, nearly dying so many times over would give you an appreciation for having a sibling. You are an asshole too, I love you dearly but you are an asshole Vic. So not much different from your dear brother, no?” Fenris smiled to take the sting from his words but didn't back down.

“Carver has always had it out for me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he asked for this posting just to rub it in.” 

**  
Hawke would find out soon enough because Carver Hawke showed up the next morning, several days earlier than expected. He stood in Hawke’s entrance hall in full templar armor, his hand lightly resting on the pommel of his sword at his side.

Invictus couldn’t keep the sneer off his face as he let his brother in. “Remain here, someone will see to you shortly. We currently have a guest in the room that will be yours since you arrived early you can just wait.

“Good morning to you too, Invictus.” Carver said with a tired sigh as he set his gear down.

“It was good until I answered the bloody door.” Vic sniped as he walked off to find his house carl.

Carver sighed in resignation. This assignment was going to be as lovely as he had expected it to be. after months of traveling, Vic’s reaction was just what he had expected, but been dreading. 

Vic found a servant to get Carver settled temporarily in a study before he went to wake up Bull and apologize for getting him up before he’d planned to leave. Thankfully the warrior was already up and had finished washing.

“Sorry to bother so early but Carver arrived much sooner than expected.” Vic reported as he watched Bull shave.

“No big deal, was almost done getting cleaned up anyway. I’ll have breakfast and get out of your hair.” Bull mumbled around the lather.

Zevran sat near Bull, watching him shave. They had been having an interesting conversation about the difference between living in the South as opposed to Antivan or Seheron.

“You are being nice to your brother, yes?” Zevran asked curiosity lacing his every word.

“He’s still breathing, that counts as nice right?” Hawke replied

Zevran laughed. “For the moment.” 

“Don’t fucking start Zev, I thought I had a few days to come to terms with this. I’ll send a servant to turn the room over for him. Do you want company when you return to Pavus villa?” Vic asked out of a desire to flee rather than stay and deal with a lot of unhappy emotions.

“If he wants company, then either Fenris or I could go with him,” Zevran said firmly. 

“Careful you are treading on thin ice, Arainai.” Vic warned as he continued to watch Bull instead of watching Zevran.

Zevran held his hands up in surrender and pressed his lips together in silence.

“I don’t need a minder, and the conversation I’ll be having will be ugly. I’d rather not have an audience. If any of you want to come by later, send a messenger and I’ll let you know if it’s safe.” Bull finished his ablutions, packed up and waited for Hawke to lead them back to the dining room.

“As you wish Bull, but know I’m happy to come by and...mediate. Fenris is still too hot and thankfully he’s already off to duty for the day. I don’t want a lecture from him too.” Vic replied before he headed off to deal with his unwanted guest.

“And what will you do, Zev?” Zevran asked himself. “Why thank you for asking me, yes? I will be doing some work of my own today.” 

“Whatever will you be doing Zevran? Is it something you can actually tell me about or would you have to kill me if you told me?” Vic snarked in response.

“I would kill you with pleasure,” Zevran answered. “And it is nothing as of yet, no? I had the idea of writing down the many different things I have at one point thought to be true of Minrathous, and will be spending the day seeing if they are what I have thought they were. I mean to try and document the changes that Magister Pavus has made on the city. His passing through time, did it leave ripples or waves?” 

“Hmm, I see. Good luck with that, and be careful. Even with all the changes made by the new Archon, it’s still hard here for elves.” Hawke said before he went to find his sibling.

“Not easy for me either but you do have it worse. Let’s get breakfast and I hope this won’t be a thing when his...templar brother sees me. I’ve heard the stories about Kirkwall.” Bull added

Zevran waved away his concerns. “Anyone who would dare try to enslave me would find their throat slit and a captured elf gone. And Ser Hawke isn’t what Invictus would make him out to be.”

“Easy for you to say, the Arishok did a number on the city and if I recall, Hawke let him walk off with the Tome of Koslun and the woman who took it?” Bull replied as they entered to find Hawke glowering across the table at his sibling.

“Carver, Bull and you remember Zevran. Fenris is already gone to duty, I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to come home and find you here.” Vic snapped. 

“I’ve missed Fenris,” Carver replied, completely ignoring his brother’s tone. He got to his feet and gave Bull and Zevran a short bow, as much as he was able to in his armor. “It’s good to meet you Bull. It’s also good to see you again, Zevran.” 

“Ser Carver, nice to meet you as well.” Bull inclined his head but didn’t rise to greet the other Hawke. 

“I have heard so much about The Iron Bull and his part in the Inquisition,” Carver continued. “The stories, they change on how many dragons you killed. Some say one, others as many as five.” 

“Pretty sure it was closer to ten, Lisbeth would indulge me much to the others horror.” Bull grinned as he ignored the indignant little noise from Invictus.

“Be that as it may, I am sorry my siblings early arrival has displaced you. I can see if we can find other accommodation should you need them.” Hawke glared at Carver once more before he stalked off to track down a servant to ready his brother’s room.

“I’ll probably remain at Dorian’s, though it will be rough for a while.” Bull replied though Hawke couldn't’ hear him. “I probably should go, I’ll see you all later, tell Hawke thanks.” 

He gave Carver a slight bow before he headed home and to a conversation he didn’t really want to have.

“So,” Carver asked zevran. “Just how much as my presence ruined things for Vic?” 

Zevran let loose a bark of laughter. “No more than usual I would think.” 

**  
Dorian sat in the garden, his eyes not seeing the artfully arranged plants, or hearing the trickle of the fountain he sat in front of. His mind was elsewhere, to another time, going over and over events that had never happened. 

Bull found him still in the garden, far too still and quiet. “Hey,”

Dorian glanced up. “Bull…” he acknowledged.

“Still wanna talk?” the warrior hedged, unsure how things stood between them. He wanted to scoop the mage up in his arms and kiss him senseless, but the betrayal was too sharp, and kept him just inside the gate.

Dorian gave him a sharp nod. He slid over on the stone bench to make room for Bull if he wanted it. 

“Out here? Figured you’d want privacy in case people overheard. Your choice I guess.” Bull sat next to him, conscious of the space between them, the gap larger in his mind than the hand span that kept them from touching.

“No one will come out here.” Dorian raised his hand and pointed up at the slight shimmer above them. “I wanted to be alone, but I let you in through the wards.” There was a streak of dried blood on his fingertip. 

“So is that how it is now? Blood magic for everything?” Bull asked sadly

“For the things I need,” Dorian corrected. “For things that can help. For things I need that little bit of extra power for.” 

“Why, I thought you didn’t want that? You told me that about your father, about others that told you how bad it was. How long until you need more power than your blood can give, how long until you become like them and sacrifice others Dorian? Do I need to worry about that too, on top of you lying to me?” Bull sounded broken even as he asked, felt like his heart was breaking as he looked away, unable to look at the man he thought he knew.

“I would never hurt someone else like that,” Dorian snarled. “Never!”

“How am I supposed to believe you when you said you’d never do blood magic or lie to me? If you were me, could you not doubt?” Bull didn’t flinch at the other man’s anger, but he didn’t let his own anger come to the surface.

Dorian inhaled sharply. A shuddering breath in a bid for calm. “This power… It’s… It’s like nothing I have ever felt before. I understand now why so many mages walk down this path. suddenly, everything seems possible. Everything is within my grasp.”

Bull got up to walk so he didn’t let his temper flare out of control. “So that’s it then? You know Hawke won’t forgive this, Fenris may very well kill you if he sees you again and you’d do blood magic, around me after what the Qunari did to me? How the Venatori helped them torment me? You would ...yes, you already have, why am I even asking.”

“Why can’t any of you see how this is different? Why can’t any of you see how this is just a tool, a way to augment my power?” Dorian’s eyebrows drew down sharply. “I was wrong to dismiss it for as long as I did. The things I can do now, the spells that will no longer just be theory, but fact.” As Dorian spoke he was screaming at himself to stop, to force his lips closed and to plug up the words that came pouring out. 

“Power corrupts, look at what its done to you.” Bull said quietly, his expression defeated as he continued to pace, unable to walk back out the gate.

“I am not corrupted,” Dorian insisted. There had been times when Dorian had asked himself the same question, but he always shied away from the answer, pushing it deep down until he could no longer see the truth. 

To see the truth would mean he had to confront the fact he had become something he had never wanted. 

“It’s what you say, but not what I see right now. You are not the man I fell in love with, from here you are more in love with this new power than anything I thought you stood for. I fought for you, brought the Chargers here, Krem so I could save you and this, this is what you turn to. You say you’re not corrupted even while you sit with drying blood on your hands Pavus.” Bull didn’t want it to go like this but the conversation was making him want to run as far away as he could.

“So you would have me give all of it up? To pretend I can’t do the things I can?” Dorian asked, even as he knew the answer.

“If the cost is as great as it is? Yes, I’d rather have you as you were, as the man I was proud to know, to love, to fight, die and live for, yes. You had to know what I’d say Dorian. If I came in and said I’ve given up, I am going to turn myself into the re-educators what would you say? If I said I could find purpose, power, my old self if I just turned back to the Qun, and turn my back on you, what would you do?” Bull finally let his anger come through, as he shouted at Dorian and advanced on him.

Dorian shook his head in denial. “No. This is different.” 

“Then I don’t know what to say to make you see Dorian. You’ve broken what we had, you threw away the trust and friendship you had with Hawke and Fenris, and all you have left is power, and Varania. Who won’t get her brother back, who has the life of a servant in this fucking world rather than an Altus or Magister. She’s a mage in Tevinter that can’t even get something out of life. Because you had to help, because you feel guilty over something that happened so long ago, you’ve thrown it all away Dorian.” Bull’s voice cracked as he stood before the man he used to know.

“You’re wrong about Varania,” Dorian told him. “And I’m not the one breaking things now. None of you will listen to anything I say.” 

_With good reason_ he told himself.

Bull threw up his hands and snarled. “You don’t even hear yourself do you? You sound like most of the Vint’s I’ve fought while part of the Qun. I guess I should expect you to just start doing blood magic at the dinner table? I don’t fucking know Varania, I do know that her brother is hurting, Hawke is hurting. You know good and damned well what blood magic cost him, yet you still did it? You have fucked up and you can’t even admit it. Fuck this, I give up because you won’t even see what you’ve done, you’re too wrapped up in us not seeing your brilliance to even apologize.” 

Bull headed towards the door leading back inside, with a sad, broken look. “I...I never should have trusted you, or magic or this. I knew better but I took a chance and this is what always happens when I let someone in.” 

Dorian’s hand went to his chest, not to his heart, but to the necklace he had given Bull, the one his lover had thrown at him. It lay on top of the dragon’s tooth necklace that Bull had given him, reminders of what he was losing. 

“I don’t know how to stop this,” he finally admitted. “How to make this end.” 

“You don’t want to, that’s the problem. You’re in too deep, and it’s clear you don't’ care who you hurt with this. Just leave me alone, I have nowhere else to go for now, but if you don’t want me here I’ll take a room in a tavern till I can get out of the city. Just leave me alone.” Bull gripped the handle harder than he needed to, sure he was going to be put out if they were on the outs.

“Stay,” Dorian whispered. “I… Just stay.” 

“Thank you,” Bull went in and headed straight to Krem in the hopes his lieutenant was in the mood for him and a lot of drinking.


	3. Maker, give us strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carver might be Dorian's only hope, if he lets a southern templar do as he needs to.

Carver had learned the hard way not to advertise that he was a templar from the Southern lands when he walked the streets of Minrathous. He came to the Pavus villa with little armor, and a two handed sword on his back. None had the distinctive mark of the Blade of Mercy on it. 

He had received a missive from Bull that morning, asking him to come to the villa. From what little he had been able to piece together from Zevran, he had a feeling he knew why.

Bull greeted the younger Hawke with a grim smile before he asked him to follow him to his room.

Carver followed silently, acutely aware that the master of the house might not know that he was even there. There was an air of secrecy around Bull. Carver didn’t relax his body until they were in Bull’s chambers and the door was closed behind them. 

“It’s good to see you again, Bull,” Carver finally said as he held out his hand. 

“I wish it was for a better reason, but I’m glad to see you again.” Bull took his hand before he offered him a seat and a drink. “So...care to guess why I asked you to come by?”

“Your lover has been involved in some dangerous magic,” Carver answered promptly. “Even by magister standards.” 

He waved away the offer of a drink. “I’m going to need a clear head.”

“Yeah, he’s deep into blood magic and even temporal magic. I’m not sure if you’d noticed anything off...but consider why you arrived almost a week ahead of schedule, or if you can recall any odd dreams that seemed too real. That’s the level of weird shit we’ve got here.” Bull sipped his ale.

“Don’t blame him for anything, but Zevran has told me as much. He thought I should know why everyone was in a shorter temper than usual.

“What do you think I can do, Bull? The laws here regarding blood magic are different and any authority I would have doesn’t extend to Minrathous, not in these matters. I can talk with him if you wish, but he might not appreciate what I have to say.” 

“I know all that, I need you to put the fright of the Maker into him for what he’s done. I need you to do your Templar thing on him so he can’t do this anymore. I need...I need him to stop, please?” Bull asked.

“You… do you know how the order has changed since the Inquisition?” Carver asked. “There are many of us who followed Commander Cullen’s lead and have stopped taking lyrium. But there are a handful who have made the choice to keep taking it, to remain strong in the face of our duty.” 

Carver shifted slightly in his chair. “I still take lyrium. It’s powerful, and extremely addictive, not unlike blood magic. I’ll talk to him, maybe he’ll listen to me.” 

“Make him listen, I’ll stage a damned intervention even if it means he throws me out or worse. He’s destroying himself with an addiction like the one a templar has to lyrium. He’s on a bad path and I’d rather drag him off kicking and screaming then let him fall further.” Bull scrubbed his hand over his head and sighed. 

Carver stood. He unhooked his sword from his back and laid down the finely made blade on the table. “Best I not go visibly armed,” he said. “Just make sure if he kills me to have my brother give me the most expensive funeral you can. It’ll drive him nuts.” 

“There won’t be any killing and I’m pretty sure being from Kirkwall, you can hold off against blood magic. I won’t let that happen.” Bull said as he got his own weapon and slipped it into his holster. “Don’t… just better safe than sorry, much as I hate it.” 

“We’re going to be ambushing him on his own territory,” Carver warned. He drew himself up and headed to the door. 

“Well, he won’t see this coming; he’s figured I’m done with him.” Bull led Carver to the smaller office Dorian had started to use instead of his opulent, decked out study. “Dorian?”

The door creaked open and the smell of burning herbs hit the air. Carver pushed his way inside, his eyes adjusting to the magical torches that flickered blue and green on the walls.

Dorian stood to one side of the room, a brazier in front of him. 

“So you actually did it,” he said in Trade. “You brought a templar into my home. Did either of you think the servants wouldn’t tell me about it. They know who you are Ser Hawke. Word travels fast in Minrathous.” 

“Don’t tell me you’re surprised? Look at what you’ve become Dorian. I am not goign to lose you to the path of a maleficar.” Bull sounded sad even as he blocked the door to keep Dorian from making a run for it.

“Lose me?” Dorian said with a bitter laugh. “You were the one who left, Bull. I fought for us when I was lost in time. I fought for you.” 

“Bull doesn’t matter right now,” Carver said carefully. “I came to talk to you, Magister Pavus.” 

“Yes lose you, I’ve done this because I still care for you. Even if you hate me for this, I still love you.” Bull’s voice trailed off as he let Carver take the lead and run things.

“And what could a templar from the South possibly have to say to me?” Dorian sneered. 

“That I have seen more than my share of the toll blood magic and the addiction to power can take. I know what it looks like when good men think they can have control over something that will always ask for more and more of you until you are no longer the man you once knew. 

“Power can make one think they know better than others, that they will no longer be a victim, that they can have some sort of control over a life that had been so out of control before.”

“I am not a victim,” Dorian growled.

“Yes… You are. You’re not an evil man, Dorian Pavus, but you are a victim of our own making. You are enslaved to the power that blood magic offers. You are not the master in this. You are the slave.” 

Bull watched them carefully, his posture relaxed despite how tense he felt.

“You are insane,” Dorian concluded. 

“Am I? I’m one of a handful of templars that still take lyrium left in Thedas. I can give lip service that I do it because there needs to be some of us left who can have the sort of power that is required to take down threats that demons pose. But the reality is simple--I’m a coward. Lyrium withdrawal can kill. It’s painful. It will show you just how dependant you have become on it.”

Carver took a step closer to Dorian. “It’s frightening to think that that after all you have seen and faced, that you would willingly go through such a painful process, one that will leave you forever weaker when you know what’s out there.” 

Dorian swallowed audibly. “I’m not a coward.” 

“Dorian...please listen to him.” Bull pleaded before he snapped his mouth closed and remembered that he wanted Carver to take point.

“I was with my brother when we first came to Kirkwall,” Carver interjected, drawing Dorian’s attention back to him. “I saw how blood magic took over the city, destroyed good people, gave false hope to the desperate. I with with him when the Knight-Commander was corrupted by red lyrium. I saw how blood magic turned frightened mages into abominations. I was there when Vic fought Corypheus. I saw one of the magisters that had broken into the Golden City with my own eyes. 

“I saw all of it and I won’t allow myself to become less than I am if there’s a chance I can protect them. Vic hates me for my choice. He hates me for deciding that protecting him and becoming a templar was preferable to standing on the sidelines, watching things that should not be hurt those I love. I lost my brother. Don’t lose those that care about you.

“You are powerful in your own right. You have magic and respect. I’ve heard you can raise the dead and have them fight for you. You have a lover who is risking it all in order to help you. You have friends that understand you. You have so much more than I ever had. I would kill to have people care about me half as much as they care about you.” 

Bull’s hands clenched together behind him, his voice trapped as his throat closed with Carver’s words. This was not what he’d expected, but he hoped that it got through to Dorian.

Dorian glanced away. “My father is dead. I can’t lose anyone else.” It was the first time he had really spoken about his father’s death since he had returned to Minrathous. “Not if I can stop it.” 

“Your mother, me? What of us?” Bull asked.

“I won't let anything happen to either of you,” Dorian swore. “No matter the cost.” 

“The cost will be losing them,” Carver announced. “It will be losing everything you have sworn to protect. I lost my mother because I wasn’t there to protect her. All my assertions that I had joined the templars to make sure my family was safe meant nothing in the end, because I had alienated them. I might as well have used the knife that had killed her myself for all the good I did.” 

“I wasn’t here to protect my father,” Dorian whispered. “I still think the Venatori killed him. I have no proof. But with my magic--” 

“You will gain your proof, and then what?” Carver asked. “You’ll become so enamoured with getting revenge for the dead that you forget about the living?” 

“He already has, in a way.” Bull agreed as he watched Dorian like the proverbial hawk, sure he was going to bolt, or crack.

“Not completely, I don't think,” Carver said softly. “Deep down, you know the trap that blood magic is. You know that you can’t control it, because no one can, and no one ever will be able to. You lose literal and figurative pieces of yourself each time you cut yourself. You make yourself physically and mentally weak, opening yourself to demons who will make sure all that you ever loved will die. That’s the secret of blood magic. Of course it gives you power, but it’s nothing more than a demon honey pot, waiting for mages with the ego to think that they can control it. What demon wants a weak mage? They want the ones who think they are above it all. Those are the sweet prizes.”

Carver tilted his head to the side. “How many demons whisper to you now, Dorian? How many promise you things in order to make the blood magic stronger? How long until in your arrogance you listen?” 

Dorian’s hands curled into fists. “Shut up.” 

“Listen, don’t ...just don’t close yourself off. You know he’s speaking the truth Dorian.” Bull went over to him, slow and easy before he tilted the mages head up to stare at him. “Listen, for Maker’s sake, please listen, Dori.”

“I never want to be as frightened as I was when they took you,” Dorian rasped. “Never again.” 

“I don’t like being as frightened as I am now. Dorian, must I get on my knees and beg for you to listen to us?” Bull asked softly.

Dorian reached up and wrapped his fingers around Bull’s wrists. “I keep thinking that if I had this power sooner, maybe I… Maybe I wouldn't have had to hide for so long. Maybe I wouldn't have had to feel so afraid.” 

“Never feel afraid like that. The power isn’t worth it, will never, ever be worth it. Let him help you. Let us help you.” Bull leaned his forehead against Dorian’s and tried to keep himself from trembling.

“How can I undo the faith I’ve broken?” Dorian whispered. 

“Let Carver help you, help him undo this damage, or at least get off the path.” Bull answered.

He squeezed Bull’s wrists, feeling the constant pain in his palms as he did so. Dorian was so tired of hurting.

“I’ll let him,” he finally said.

“Thank you so much.” Bull drew a sharp, short breath before he reluctantly pulled back to let Dorian and Carver talk.

“Do you know a healer that you can trust?” Carver asked Dorian when he approached. 

Dorian nodded. “His name is Sirad.” 

“I’ll get him, if you can stay here Carver. Thank you.” Bull headed off quickly to gather Sirad and return. On the way back he filled the elven magister in on what had transpired and what might be needed.

“So, it’s gonna be ugly by the time things are over aren’t they?” Bull asked as he let them into the villa.

Sirad didn’t try to sugar coat it. “It might kill him. But I’ll be careful.” They walked into the villa and towards Dorian’s study.

“What did you say?” Bull asked as he forced himself to move again.

“He’s done a lot of dark magic,” Sirad said bluntly. He stopped and turned. “His body needs to heal before his soul can. Normally both can with just a drop here or there, but with what he’s been doing, his body and soul have had no time.”

Bull nodded as he knocked for them to be let in.

The windows to the room had been opened and sunlight was let inside while the smoke from the brazier was let out. Dorian sat in a chair with his head in his hands, Carver kneeling down in front of him. 

Dorian’s hands trembled slightly when he saw Sirad. “Let’s get this over with,” he rasped. 

“What do you need me to do?” Bull asked as he watched Sirad approach Dorian and yank his sleeves back without a word, and how Carver seemed incredibly tense as he watched them all.

“Get me a blade,” Carver said without looking at Bull.

“We’ll also need your help in holding him down,” Sirad muttered. His eyes traced over the lines of barely healing wounds on Dorian’s palms and forearms. 

The warrior handed Carver his dagger and went behind his lover so he could pin him when needed. “What else?”

“In case he decides to open himself up to a demon for help,” Carver said softly, “I’m sorry.” he stood next to Dorian’s chair and pressed the blade to lips that moved in a prayer.

Dorian’s breath came in frantic pants, his heart slamming in his chest in fear. He could feel Bull behind him, hear Carver beseech the Maker for strength and mercy. The air in the room shifted as Sirad’s magic bloomed on his hands, right before he grasped Dorian’s wrists.

Everything went white and Dorian began to scream when agony ripped through him.

Bull wrapped his arms around Dorian and hoped that it would be over soon. He wasn’t sure what would get to him first, the feel of magic all around them or Dorian’s screaming. “How much...longer?” he asked as he felt the mage in his arms buck against him

Dorian jerked so hard against Bull, that one of his arms were pulled back in what had to be a painful angle. 

“Not much longer,” Carver said. With the dagger in one hand, he touched Dorian’s forehead with the other. 

Templar magic burst from him. Bright and purifying, it bathed Dorian, healing his soul the way Sirad was healing his body. It was one thing to stop doing blood magic, but Dorian had become corrupt, opening a doorway for demons. If he wanted the pieces of himself that he had sacrificed back, he needed to be cleansed first, his body and very self healed. 

Very few blood mages went through the process.

“Hurry...his screaming...is too much.” Bull hissed as he tightened his hold on Dorian so he couldn’t get away and hit the floor.

Dorian wanted it to stop. He wanted the pain to end. It was only Bull’s voice, full of fear and worry, that prevented him from giving in. To death or a demon he didn’t know. 

And then it did stop, the relief so abrupt Dorian blanked out, slumping in the chair. 

“Is he dead?” Bull asked as he knelt in front of his lover, worried when he remained still and didn’t seem to draw breath.

“He’s alive,” Sirad said. He braced himself with his hands on his knees. “Just needs rest.” 

Carver helped Sirad to stand upright, the elf leaning heavily against him. “I’ll get him back to his home. He’s right, Dorian needs rest now. He needs to recover and deal with what he’s done. That’s half the battle right there, the knowledge of the wrongs done. some mages lapse back into it out of guilt. Don’t let him be one of them.” 

“Don’t mention any of this to my brother,” Carver added. “It’s all I ask of you. Vic won’t thank me for interfering.” 

“He might thank you more than you know,” Sirad muttered weakly.

“Will do, if you can return tomorrow or the day after I’d appreciate it.” Bull picked Dorian up gently and headed off to get him settled. Once he was under the covers, the fighter pulled up a chair and watched as the mages chest fell and rose slowly, his thoughts scattered as he wondered what would come next for them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and Varania pay the price for their folly, and don't seem to learn from their mistakes.

Everything ached when Dorian finally stirred. It felt as if he’d been turned inside out and then put back together again. He groaned and rolled over in bed in an attempt to get away from the blinding light from the window. 

Bull sat up and gently ran his hand over Dorian’s head. “Hey...how do you feel?” 

“Awful,” Dorian croaked. “Did I drink too…” He trailed off as memory returned. His body shuddered at the remembered agony.

“Maker help me,” he whispered. 

“I wish it was just a hangover, I’m surprised you can even talk with how you screamed.” Bull got him a goblet of cold water which he held up for Dorian. “Slow and easy.”

With his throat raw, the water was hard going down, but felt so nice. When he was done, Dorian turned bloodshot eyes towards Bull. “Thank you for not giving up on me.” 

“Thank Sirad and Carver when you see them again. I shouldn’t have tried, but I couldn’t let you go down that road even if you hated me for it.” Bull offered him a refill and waited on his mage to take the lead.

“I have… I have a lot of amends to make to everyone,” Dorian rasped. “I’m such a fool.” 

“Yes, you are… but you’re a recovering fool. I’ll have food sent in and then you can start your amends with me, after you’ve had breakfast.” Bull’s voice was stern, yet still concerned.

Dorian grabbed onto Bull’s arm and held on tightly. “You didn’t leave me. You stayed…” 

“Yeah, I didn’t. I should have, I thought about it but I stayed. Don’t make me regret it.” Bull said.

“No… You won’t.” Dorian tried to sit up more and winced. “There was a templar. Hawke’s brother.” 

“Yeah, he’s still on lyrium so he was able to Cleanse you. You owe him and Sirad. You could have fucking died right in front of me Dorian.” Bull threw the empty goblet across the room before he turned away to collect himself.

“I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt all of you.” This was the real test. This was the real punishment for his sins. He had to face the pain he’d caused people who cared about him. To turn away from it would hurt them all over again.

“You have, the question is what will you do about it...Dori?” Bull asked, hopeful he could still call his lover that.

“I don’t… I don’t know. Apologize first. Apologize to make it up to all of you.” Dorian scrubbed at his face with the heels of his hands. 

“With words or actions? You’ve dropped a lot of red in your ledger with everything you’ve done. What will you do to make it right with us?” Bull asked quietly as he moved around to pick up the shattered goblet.

“I can't answer that,” Dorian replied. “All of you are angry at me for different reasons. The betrayal was not the same for each of you. Hawke and Fenris are angry at me for different things. You… So are you.” 

“Yeah, and while I’m still angry I can work on that. Figure out what you will do with them, while I get food sent up.” Bull slipped away to let Dorian think while he got himself together.

Dorian closed his eyes in frustration. What one thing could he do that would make amends for what he’d done?

The warrior finally returned with a tray full for both of them, but he was quiet while they ate, his own meal went down slow as he waited to see what would happen with them.

Dorian didn’t speak. He chewed his food slowly, his eyes on his plate.

The silence got to be too much for Bull and he set his plate aside to look at his lover. “So...where do we go now?”

“You’re asking me as if I have all the answers. I can’t just tell you, we will do this or that. If any of you are ever going to trust me again, it’s going to take time and a thousand little acts on my part.” 

Dorian glanced up. “Anything else and none of you would believe it. Fenris would throw anything I could do back in my face, accuse me of trying to buy him off. I can’t answer your question, Bull. I’m sorry.” 

“I was asking more about where do we start. I know you can’t really give me full answers. You have to work that out with Hawke and Fenris. I’m concerned with us, if there is an us?” Bull glanced away as he picked at a loose thread instead of bracing himself to hear whatever his mage had to say.

“And how can I answer that?” Dorian asked quietly. “How can I say yes or no and decide such a thing for the both of us. Do I want things to work? I do. But both of us have to want it, and although I ruined things by doing what I did, I also wasn't the one to walk out.”

That made Bull scowl and leave off of poking at the thread to give Dorian a dirty look. “Really? You really are going to judge me for walking out when I could have done much worse?”

Dorian frowned. “I’m not judging you. When did I do so? I’m only telling you that this can’t be a decision made on my own. You were the one to walk out, so I should be the one asking you if there will be an us? Do you even want to come back to me?” 

“Yeah I do, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have pulled Carver in. I just figured you’d hate me for it and even if you were healed, you might not want me here.” Bull admitted.

Dorian breathed a weak laugh. “Hate you? Never. You three did more for me than most people have ever done. If you were anyone else, I would have been left to my own ruin, or put out of my misery.” He placed his hand over his chest. 

“There’s been a part of me that hasn’t felt whole since my father died. It made it so much easier to turn to darker things. The three of you have started me back on the path to make me whole.”

“You haven’t grieved, you haven’t dealt with your loss or your mother’s worry. You need to do that instead of trying to fix anyone else.” Bull said.

Dorian gave Bull a wry look. “It’s much easier to worry about another than to deal with your own problems.” 

“No deflection, not now.” Bull replied

“I… I did help Varania. She’s been happy this past month. I regret how I went about helping her, but I can’t regret her happiness. The cost was just too high. I don’t want anyone to be angry with her either. She tried to help me at one point.” 

“That’s for her and Fenris to work out. If you can get up, I’ll help you into a bath. I need one anyway.” Bull muttered as he offered his hand for Dorian to take.

Even though things were still strained between them, Dorian felt some of that wall had come down. He took Bull’s hand and let him lead him to the baths. His legs were still shaky, but with Bull’s help they managed to get Dorian inside.

“Get undressed I’ll start the water going.” Bull was subdued as he filled the tub, and got them both in. He scrubbed Dorian’s scalp, his expression sad as he felt the stubble of his lovers scalp instead of the long tresses he’d gotten used to.

Dorian reached back and grasped Bull’s wrist. “Do you remember?” he asked quietly. “Does any part of you remember meeting me in a tavern outside Minrathous? Do you remember the night we spent together? I… I had to stop it from happening. That night you saved Krem, and I had distracted you from it. I just had missed you so much.” 

“Yes, I remember. I remember all of it. Some of it clearly, some of it not so clearly but yes.” Bull replied as he continued to work on Dorian’s hair with his free hand.

“I mourned my hair when I cut it. You loved it so much and I… I ruined it like I had ruined the rest.” Dorian inhaled sharply. “But I can’t pity myself like this. It won’t help me make things up to all of you.” 

“It will grow back, and we’ll work things out slowly between us.” Bull gently tugged his hand free so he could rinse out the soap and start to wash himself up.

“When you wish it, I have my House amulet. It’s yours at any time.” Dorian turned and plucked the soap from Bull’s hands. He rubbed it against a wet cloth before taking over and scrubbing lightly against Bull’s chest.

“Later, once we’ve got out of the tub and had a long talk.” Bull replied as he dumped more water over his head.

Together they got themselves clean, helping each other out in a rhythm they had established long ago, but never spoken of. It was comforting to Dorian, and it gave him hope.

“Maybe we should invite them over for dinner later this week?” Bull suggested.

“I should go and speak with them first,” Dorian said. “Do it in their territory… with a templar around who seems to want me alive.” 

“Well, let’s go tomorrow. Hopefully you can speak with them without too much bloodshed. I’ll go see them today, so it’s not a shock to have you show up.” Bull said as he stood up.

“Before you go, if you could find Varania and send her to me. She and I need to speak.”  
Dorian got unsteadily to his feet and stepped out of the massive bath.

“Yeah, if she doesn’t hide from me again.” Bull muttered crossly as he helped Dorian out.

“She’s had a hard time of it,” Dorian said in her defense. “Give her time.” 

“Yeah, like we haven’t.” Bull snarked as he helped the mage dry off and get dressed once more. 

Dorian knew he was feeling overprotective of Varania, but they had been through a lot together, and for a time, she was the only one he had to rely on. But Bull was right, and the kossith’s feelings were still raw, an open wound that would take time to heal. 

Bull helped Dorian walk back to his chambers and got him into bed. 

“I’ll be back in a bit, get more rest...Dorian.” Bull hesitated before he decided on the mage’s name rather than _kadan_ his heart was too sore to let that slip past his lips.

It was a nickname that Dorian hadn’t heard in days, but he knew that this too would take time. He gave Bull a wan smile and settled back into the pillows. 

**

Bull was let into the foyer by a nervous looking servant that did their best not to flinch at the shouting that floated into the room. He sighed and made his way to the dining room where Vic and Carver faced off while Fenris and Zevran watched from their spots by the bar.

“You’re such a fool, Vic,” Carver snapped. “You act as if everything I do is to spite you.” 

“Am I interrupting anything?” Bull asked right before he dodged a vase pitched at Carver.

Carver rolled his eyes. “How am I younger than you?” he asked his brother. 

Zevran stood leaning against a wall near the door, Fenris sitting in a chair next to him. “Seems Carver helped a certain magister and Invictus figured it out, yes?” His eyes moved back and forth between the two brothers, a slightly amused smile on his face. 

“Oh, is that all?” Bull asked as he made his way over to where Zevran stood and Fenris sat.

“So, how is your magister then? Still protesting his innocence and desire to only help?” Fenris sneered.

“Still alive I assume,” Zevran added. “Or else you and Carver would not be so calm.” 

“Yeah, alive and not so well. It’s why I’m here but I can wait till this is over.” Bull replied.

“It’s never going to be over until he’s out of my house.” Invictus growled.

“Invictus...he’s not going anywhere, he’s a guest of the Magisterium and no matter how angry you are, it will endanger the precarious base of support you stand on. Sit down and stop this fucking arguing. It’s been old since Kirkwall.” Fenris snapped.

“It’s been old since I was born,” Carver said. “And I’m sorry to pain you, Vic, but we’re going to be spending a lot of time together while I’m in Minrathous.” 

“Whatever is going on, I’m here to talk to you all about Dorian. He wishes to face you for what he’s done, start to mend things if possible.” Bull asked.

“He has nothing to mend with me, yes?” Zevran said. “I understand that some things must be done. But he should not have lied about it.” 

“He shouldn't have done it at all,” Carver muttered. 

“No, he shouldn’t. But what’s done is done, and he wishes to make amends if possible. He knows it won’t be easy, or possible with some of us. But there it is. If you will allow it, he wanted to face you here, in your domain.” Bull glanced at Fenris and Hawke before he looked to Carver for their thoughts.

“I would speak with her first, before I give him any of my time or energy. Once that is resolved, I will consider speaking to Pavus.” Fenris replied stonily

“He’s been cleansed of any lingering taint. The rest is up to him,” Carver told them. “He was willing to put himself through that. not all blood mages that want to give it up do.” 

“He hurt Fenris more in this. If he will hear Dorian out then I will. Send Varania to us, when he’s ready.” Hawke said.

Fenris glanced at his lover then to Bull. “No, I will go to her. If I don’t she’ll never face me otherwise.”

Carver hesitated before he spoke. Fenris was one of the few friends he had in Minrathous, and he didn’t want to lose that. “How did he hurt you, Fenris. I understand why Bull is angry, but why are you?” 

“Not here, not now. We can discuss it when I return from Pavus villa.” Fenris glanced at the others before he stared at Vic for a long while. “Carver if you would come with me, and allow Vic some respite, I would welcome the company.”

 

“What? Why are you taking him?” Vic asked in surprise.

Carver nodded in assent and moved to the door.

“You two have been arguing for hours, this way I can fill him in without you jumping in. I do not do this to spite you Vic, and you already know the tale I will tell. You and Zevran should have fun while we’re gone, relax for fucks sake.” Fenris slipped over and gave his mage a long, slow kiss before he headed off to follow Bull and Carver.

Which left Zevran and Vic alone. The assassin arched an eyebrow at Hawke. “Alone at last?” 

“Yeah, alone at last. What should we do about it?” Vic asked.

“Get your mind off of things?” Zevran asked. “Or would you prefer to sit here and brood on what might be happening with them while they are gone?” 

“Brooding is Fenris’ thing, let’s go back to bed, something might as well go right for me today.” Hawke offered his hand to lead Zev back to their room.

“Trust me, I’ll make sure everything goes right between us…” 

**  
The walk back to the Pavus villa was awkward. Carver cleared his throat and glanced at Fenris. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” 

“It’s easier to have it out in the open.” Fenris replied before he caught Carver up on all that had happened since they had parted ways after Kirkwall. He didn’t skip on the abuse, or his brush with death to get rid of the red lyrium corruption. The warrior’s voice softened as he spoke of Varania and how they had started to trust each other before Dorian’s meddling had reversed her misfortune. 

“Red lyrium decimated the templars. I don’t know if we will ever recover,” Carver replied. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Fenris.” 

“It is done, and I would not speak of it again. The only reason I am considering your request Bull is because Dorian had a hand in saving my life. Otherwise your lover would be anathema to me.” Fenris replied as they came closer to the villa.

Carver pressed his lips into a thin line, but he said nothing. Fenris had more than enough reason to be angry. He wasn’t going to take that from him, no matter how responsible he felt for Dorian now.

“I appreciate it, more than you can realize. I know he fucked up, so does he. I won’t make excuses for Dorian, not one bit.” Bull said.

“I know, otherwise I would not be here.” Fenris replied tersely as they entered.

Varania had taken to coming out when visitors arrived out of habit, and cursed when she saw her sibling, Bull and the young templar with him. “Should I tell Magister Pavus you wish to see him, General?” 

“I’m here to see you actually.” Fenris replied as he finally looked at her, saw her skin, paler than his unmarred by lyrium and frowned for a moment. 

Varania nodded and led them to a sitting room to one side of the house. Closing the door carefully behind them. She walked over to a chair and sat down, folding her hands tightly in her lap.

“We’re not angry at you,” Carver assured her. 

“Speak for yourself.” Fenris let slip before he took a seat across from her. “I...I mean I wish to speak about why you did this, why did you have him unmake you by doing something so dangerous?” 

“I’m not you. I’m not as strong as you are. I couldn’t handle the pain of the markings, of not remembering who I was, who I had been. I wanted it to stop so badly and he offered me a way to do it.” She glanced down at her hands. 

“Bullshit, you’re stronger. You survived Minrathous in ways I could not. You...you, I…” Fenris faltered, unsure of his words as he tried to make her understand what he couldn’t get out.

“Perhaps we should give them space Carver.” Bull suggested softly.

Carver nodded. “Let’s go and find Dorian.” 

“I survived by betraying my own brother. I remember that life sometimes. I don’t want to be that person.” She looked up and met his eyes. 

“I still remember what you did, what I did, what didn’t happen. This isn’t right. It’s also...unfair. I am still marked, I’m still broken, yet here you stand unblemished and with another chance.” Fenris’ voice cracked with anger as he hung his head.

Her eyes widened. “This is why you are angry. I got another chance and you did not. Leto, we… we tried. I know you will be angry for meddling. But we tried.” 

“Leto is dead, dead and gone. Do not ever call me that again.” Fenris snapped.

She breathed in sharply through her nose. “Fenris,” she said instead. “We tried.” 

“You broke everything!” he yelled before he walked off to the fireplace. “I...I’m sorry, I can’t, I can’t find the right words right now.”

“What did I break?” she asked softly. 

“Everything, our memories are messed up. I don’t know what to trust. I suffered, I know I suffered, then it’s like a bad dream. So many things are out of place, not right because you had to be fixed by him. I hope it was worth it.” Fenris replied.

“I didn’t know. Neither of us knew what was going to happen,” she admitted. “If we had we wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have pushed for it so hard.”

“Well it’s done now, and things are broken, or wrong. What now Varania? You got your second chance, while we’re left to figure things out.” Fenris kept his back to her so she couldn’t see how rattled he was.

“What do you wish from me, Fenris?” she asked dully. 

“Something you can never give me. Something you shouldn’t have either.” Fenris replied with a shrug. “Do you wish to still have me in your life? Can you do so knowing I will resent you for this for a long, long time?” he finally asked.

“You want to punish me for any happiness I might have.” She narrowed her eyes. “How dare you. You weren’t there, Fenris. You don’t know what happened, yet you think you can say such things to me. So what are you trying to tell me? That by doing what I did I have lost you for good? That you will resent me. So how can I gain you back, by going back and making sure that this never happened, to take away any peace I have gained in order to please you? Dorian and I made a great mistake, but you want me to suffer added guilt than I already have for it.” 

“Did you not hear me woman? I said do you want me in your life or not? Am I supposed to grin and be happy that you got a chance I’ll never get? You can’t think I want these filthy markings? That I wouldn’t be happy to have them gone if the price wouldn't endanger others? I did not say you had to choose, but you can’t think I will be happy for you either.” Fenris turned to stare at her, eyes bright with fury as he glared.

Varania rolled her eyes. “Always so stubborn. At least that has not changed. The price for you losing them we thought was too high for too many people. We tried and the effects were devastating. Dorian and I lost so much trying to fix that single thing. I regret we did it without consulting any of you. I regret we did it and now he’s going to be made to suffer for it. He’s going to suffer just for helping me. I had to hear his screams when the templar…”

She trailed off. “And don’t call me woman. I’m your older sister and I can still tell your Hawke all the embarrassing things you used to do as a child.”

“Not if you want to keep breathing, you won’t. We are not close Varania, do not threaten me as if we have such a bond. The sliver of it was broken when you both did this, and it will take time to rebuild.” Fenris turned to the fire, his gaze beyond their spat and what he hoped was a memory of them as children. It was a casualty of their meddling that he didn’t trust himself or his fragmented memories.

“Don’t threaten me, Fenris, if you want to have a bond with me. I have had enough threats to last me several lifetimes. You have your triggers and I have mine. If we can at least respect that fact with each other…” 

“Then don’t play at being the protective older sister. I’m not your child, nor will I have you threaten to shame me in front of my lover.” Fenris’ voice was cold as he spoke, his gaze still on the fire as he awaited for her reply.

“I don’t play at that,” she told him firmly. “If you will know nothing else about me, then know that. You’re my brother. I love you. You might not think so. You might not want to think so, but it is the truth, and one I will defend.”

“Right now, I cannot believe you love me. Or that you care for me as a brother. It hurt me so much to let you walk away in Kirkwall, if that even happened now. I don’t know what’s really my past anymore, or what I think happened. Do I even have a sister, is any of this real?” Fenris said far too calmly as he turned to stare at her. His problem went deeper than what had been done, it was what he couldn’t believe anymore.

“It never happened now,” Varania replied. “I remember it, though, like a dream. Since the moment you left for the tournament, mother and I were hired as servants in the Pavus household. I have served for a long time now, and now qualify to train under Dorian as a mage.

“I remember what I did to you. I remember why. I betrayed you, Fenris. You had every right to be angry with me.” 

“Then why are you trying to take that from me? Why discount my anger as if it’s unearned?” Fenris asked.

“I’m not I’m…” She turned away in frustration to get her own temper in check. “I remember so much, and it gets confused at times. Some days I resent you for being able to live while mother and I had to scrape by to even feed ourselves day to day after we were freed. It made a twisted sort of sense then, and I hated you a little for doing that to us.

“I also remember mother and I having a good life in the Pavus house. We were treated well, we had food in our belly and coin in our pockets. I remember wishing every day that you were with us, that you could have shared in our good fortune.

“If I discount your anger, it’s because I don’t know which way to turn with my feelings. I love you. You are my brother. But I also resent you at times, just as you must resent me now.” 

“Stop saying you love me, I cannot believe that.” Fenris said tiredly. “I don’t even know what’s fucking real anymore.” he admitted finally

“I’m real,” she tried to assure him. “I want to get to know you. That’s real.” 

“That’s all I can deal with. Stop saying you love me, you love someone who’s dead.” Fenris said quietly. “I should go.” 

“Then show me his body, show me where he’s buried so I can mourn him.” She turned back to Fenris. “My brother is standing in front of me, no matter what form that takes. My brother is alive and I love him. It doesn’t matter if your name is Leto or Fenris. You’re still my brother.” 

“I cannot bear this, stop it!” the warrior shouted before he turned and fled the room.

Varania took a step to go after him, but hesitated. When he was younger, Leto would often go off on his own to wait out his anger. she had learned it was easier to coax him out if she gave him time. 

Fenris didn’t stop when the others called out to him, he simply hurried back to his office at the Magisterium, rather than go home to face his lovers, or deal with his friends. He’d go home, eventually. 

**

Hawke didn’t know how he made it to the Pavus villa without burning the first unlucky person who got in his way. He didn’t bother to knock as he came in with a letter in one hand and a murderous expression for them. “What did you do to him?”

Carver, Bull, Dorian, and Varania all glanced up from the noon meal they had been enjoying, albeit in a strained silence.

“I assume this is about Fenris,” Dorian said dryly.

“Don’t be funny, Pavus. Why did I get a note via messenger that he needs some time alone? What did you all do to him?” Hawke snapped

“I’m not being funny. You are the one who came barging into my home.” 

“Dorian,” Varania said quietly. “It’s my fault, Hawke. Fenris and I had words, and he ran out of the villa.”

“What.Did.You.SAY?” Invictus huffed as he felt arcane flames light over his hands as he fought to control his temper.

“Alright, no need to set her or us on fire. Sit down and act civilized, Hawke.” Bull said as he glared at the other mage.

“Don’t yell at her,” Carver admonished. “Maker, Vic, have you lost all sense?” 

“You shut your damned mouth. You fucking interfered here. Fine, none of you want to answer me, I’ll find out on my own.” Vic snarled.

“Interfering? What did I interfere with?” Carver asked calmly. He know he was pushing Vic’s buttons, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. 

“Please stop, the both of you,” Varania chided.

“If you want to have a knock down fight take it out of here. We finally have some peace and I won’t have it broken.” Bull warned.

“You helped a maleficar after what we’ve lost to them. You’re taking up for a blood mage now, one that hurt Fenris who is supposed to be your friend.” Hawke yelled.

“I know my duty as a templar, Vic. Do you know what it is? You don’t seem to. You think my only job is to kill blood mages and demons, maybe rough up a few innocent mages in the process. What did you want me to do, kill him?” Carver slowly got to his feet.

“Stop,” Varania said in a stricken whisper.

“Why stop me? You two didn’t stop when you decided to go fuck around with time.” Vic hissed at her.

She shot to her feet. “I wish we had never gone,” she cried. “I wish we had never done it at all.” 

“Varania,” Dorian breathed. “Why would you--”

“No, Dori. You know it’s true. We were wrong, and look at all the pain we’ve caused.” 

“Well it’s done now, and you can’t undo it. I hope you both are happy.” with that Vic turned and left them all in flux, his mood volatile as he stalked home.

“Well that went well.” Bull snarked

“You shouldn’t antagonize him like that,” Varania told Carver. “He’s your brother, and you’re lucky to have that in your life.” 

“Are you joking?” Carver asked. “You and Fenris were yelling at each other, and I barely have Vic in my life at all. He’d be happier if I was dead at this point.” 

Dorian dabbed at his mustache with his napkin. “One of the few times I don’t regret not having a sibling.”

“Not helping right now, kadan.” Bull whispered.

“Forget it, just ...forget it. I might as well stay out of the house for a bit, he’ll fry me on sight at this rate.” Carver fell back in his seat and shoved his plate away.

“And you could smite him and stop him in his tracks, which would cause Fenris to retaliate if he finds out, which would cause an incident between the Southern templars and Minrathous.” Dorian set his napkin down. “Stay here.” 

“What are you going to do?” Bull asked.

Dorian and Varania exchanged a glanced before Dorian answered. “Varania and I want to go back.” 

“And we want your help,” she added.

“No. You will not fuck around with blood magic again after all we’ve done to fix you.” Bull snapped.

“Not to even fix what we did?” Varania asked. “We’ll go back and stop ourselves from doing it. Warn us of what is to come if we do.” 

“Without details,” Dorian insisted. “This whole mess was because of something we did. We can fix it.” 

“Fixing things is what got you into this trouble,” Carver warned.

“No, no you will do no such fucking thing, Magister Pavus. I don’t care if I have to tie you to that chair and sit on you while Carver smites you, you won’t do it. I nearly lost you and you’d go back to being in thrall to power like that?” Bull looked ready to drag him out of there and into a room to have their own screaming match.

“Fixing things needs to end. Face what you two have done. Going back to literally erase the hurt is not the answer. You have proven you can do it, Dorian. Now it needs to end.” Carver slowly got to his feet again.

“But ...look at what has happened here!” Varania cried as she got in front of Dorian.

“You said yourself you didn’t know what would happen if you went back to undo this. How would you know to come back if you never had to? how would you have the magic to do so if you never used it?” Carver frowned. “It’s the sort of thing that created the hole in the sky in the first place.”

“I’ll go back to when Varania and I first went back. The magic will already have been done at that point. I can warn myself, tell myself to burn all of my research. Tell them to go back and forget about this mad plan.” Dorian got to his feet as well.

“No. You fucking face what you’ve done and go on. Do you not remember the pain of being healed? All you lost and nearly lost? I ...forbid this, Dorian.” Bull said.

“Don’t you want this to be fixed?” Varania asked even as she crowded against Dorian.

“Bull, I’ll have to face what I did every day. For those of us that go back, we remember a bit more clearly than the rest of you do. I’ll know keenly what I did.” Dorian reached out a hand for his lover. 

“Varania and I have given this a lot of thought, Bull. Look at all the pain we’ve caused, all the chaos. I… This is the downfall of the Magisters, this need to fix things, to grab power. I understand it now, so much better than I ever did before.”

“The Chantry doesn’t impose limits just to enslave,” Carver said.

“No, not just to enslave, but you have to admit they do that too,” Varania countered. 

“Doesn’t matter, you will not fuck things up again in some misguided attempt to fix this. No, Dori.” Bull said firmly

“You said you both had lost years of your life in time, do you want to go back to that?” Carver asked. 

“No,” Dorian answered. “But I can make it so that never happened.” 

“And when will it end? How is this any different than before?” Carver argued. “You tempt losing yourself. You tempt demons with this.” 

“Do you really want this? Do you want to die in my arms Dorian? You have any idea how close you came when Carver and Sirad cleansed you?” Bull asked softly

Dorian ran his fingers through his hair, disrupting the artfully careless pattern he’d created that morning. “I just want this to end.” 

“It’s ended, you can’t keep fucking around with time. What’s done is done, accept it and move on. If you go back, if you do it anyway? I will leave you here to die Pavus, or suffer whatever personal Void you bring upon yourself. Now, promise me, with no deceit in your heart that you will not try to fix anything else.” Bull stared him in the eyes desperate for the truth.

Before Dorian could open his mouth to speak, Varania interjected. “I’ll do it. I know the spell by now. I know how it works.”

Dorian reached out and grasped her by the wrist. “No.” 

“No, you will do no such thing Varania. Neither will you Bull. Do I need to ask Ser Carver for help, to Smite both of you?” Bull asked.

At that , Dorian’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Do not presume to threaten me with a templar in my own home, Bull.”

“Then don’t do stupid shit, and force my hand to make such decisions. I nearly watched you die in front of me. You claim to love me, yet yet you’d put me through that again? Fuck you for even considering it.” 

“I’m not going to close myself off to an answer that’s staring us in the face,” Dorian replied.

“I said I’d do it!” Varania shouted. “Stop fighting, please!”

“Be quiet, you are not going to do this again. I will take you to Fenris myself and let him deal with you or the Circle if you insist on doing such heinous magic.” Bull snapped.

“Enough talk,” Carver said firmly. “This isn’t happening and it seems neither of you will listen to reason.” 

“Don’t,” Dorian began when he saw the way Carver lifted his hand in a gesture he knew too well.

“I have a duty. When I helped you, you became my charge. I won’t let you go back to that darkness, or risk endangering the world again.” 

Varania took a step away from Carver, bumping into Dorian.

“Swear it and he won’t have to do that.” Bull said as he watched both of them watch Carver

“I can’t,” Varania whispered honestly.

“Varania…” Dorian brought her hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it gently. “It’s over with.”

“I can’t promise,” she whispered back.

“Then you’ve made your choice,” Carver said. 

When the smite came down, it slammed into both Dorian and Varania. Dorian had only ever had this happen to him from templars who didn’t have even have the power that a lyrium fueled Carver Hawke did. Both mages dropped to their knees, Dorian gasping as his body went numb, his magic and connection to the fade sealed away.

“I’m sorry kadan, know it brings me no joy to see you like this.” Bull whispered as he helped Dorian to his feet.

“All of you can go tot he Void.” Varania gasped

“I’ve been there,” Carver said dryly. “I don’t recommend it.” He crouched down in front of her. “You both need some perspective, and Bull and I are going to give it to you. If that means you need to have your magic taken away for a little bit to get temptation out of the way, then so be it.” 

“We aren’t children,” Dorian rasped. He felt like he was going to vomit over the lovely imported rug. 

“When it comes to the sort of magic you two are meddling with, we’re all children,” Carver answered. 

“Come on, let’s get you to your room to rest.” Bull held Dorian around the waist, ready to deal with the fact the mage was furious with him.

“I want him out of my house,” Dorian hissed.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Carver said cheerfully.

“You can’t even fight a wet nug right now. Let me take you to bed,” Bull said. 

“Don’t touch me templar,” she hissed as Carver tried to help her up.

Carver ignored her and got her to her feet. “Where are your quarters?” he asked.

“I want him out!” Dorian repeated darkly.

“I want him here, don’t fight me on this.” Bull said quietly as he scooped the mage up and headed for the door. “I’ll be back once I get him settled.” 

“Leave me be, templar, I can make my own way.” Varania hissed as she pulled away from Carver.

He caught her as she tripped over her own feet. “Careful. I’m told this can be disorienting at first.”

Bull ignored Dorian’s protests until they were in their room and he let the mage down. “I know you’re angry but don’t make this worse, please.” 

“I can’t believe you let him do that to us!” Dorian buried his face in shaking hands. “Maker, Bull. How could you?” 

“Because you would not listen, neither of you. I’ll leave you alone, when you’re ready to see me I’ll come to you. Unless you’d rather I stay so you can yell at me.” Bull offered

Dorian groaned in frustration. “Don’t go. Damn it, I hate this feeling. It’s like part of me is gone.” 

But Dorian had to admit that Carver had been right, without the temptation there, it was as if a weight had been lifted off of Dorian. The choice was out of his hands now, a choice that had been weighing on him since the first time he and Alexius had spoken of the theory of temporal magic.

“As you wish, feel free to scream and yell if you need to.” Bull offered

“I’m so tired of fighting,” Dorian said quietly. “I’m tired of being angry at the world, at myself. I’m so tired of it all. I don’t even know anymore what I was hoping to achieve. Maybe to prove my father wrong that blood magic could be harnessed and wasn’t for the weak of mind. Maybe I wanted to try to…” Dorian’s words stuttered to a halt for a moment. “Maybe I wanted to see if I could prevent him from dying. If I could help Varania, then what couldn’t I do? Who couldn’t I save? I could even go all the way back and stop men like Corypheus from breaking the world and I…” 

He stopped again. “I’m mad, aren’t I? There are times when I know how wrong all of this is and want someone to stop me. There are other times when I don’t think I can be stopped.” 

“Well you know now that you can be stopped, so perhaps leave off with it.” Bull offered

Dorian fell silent and nodded his head. He walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge, the well made frame not so much as creaking. 

“Still want me to stay, Dorian?” Bull asked as he lingered by the door

Dorian pressed his hand against his chest, where he could feel the two amulets just under his robes, warmed by his skin. 

“Stay, please.” 

The warrior joined his lover on the bed, and curled around him. “You’ve still got the house crest around your neck.” Bull said when he leaned in to kiss Dorian.

“Yes,” Dorian muttered against Bull’s lips. 

“Guess I’m surprised, figured you’d put it away for safe keeping.” Bull murmured.

“I wanted it with me in case you ever wanted it back. I wanted the reminder of what we once… Of what I’m losing.” 

“I see, well if you think I deserve it, then I’ll take it back when you’re ready to give it to me.” Bull whispered against his neck.

Dorian closed his eyes and let himself feel one of the few things he could. He reached up and tripped his fingers down one of Bull’s horns. 

“It’s yours,” he said.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris wants his due, and things are messed up all over the city thanks to a certain magister and his sibling. The question is can it be fixed?

A week passed before anyone other than Hawke and Zevran heard from Fenris. He avoided the Pavus estate and all of its occupants, even if his business took him right past Dorian’s doorway. The next time they heard from him, it was via a courier bearing an official looking missive for Magister Pavus, via House Hawke. 

Dorian glanced down at the missive with the ornate seal, and dread slithered up his spine. He broke the wax seal and carefully unfolded the letter, smoothing it against the polished wood of the great table in the dining hall. 

The silence from Bull, Carver, and Varania who had been enjoying their morning meal seemed to stretch before Dorian’s eyebrows drew down sharply, and a string of curses in Tevene exploded from his lips.

“What is the matter?” Bull and Varania asked as they watched him glare at the parchment as if it offended him.

“Fenris is challenging me to a duel.” Dorian slid the missive across the table to the others in disgust.

“I’ve sullied his honor and he wishes combat in order to restore it.” 

“That seems a bit...well it’s not too much. He is a warrior and has a code of honor.” Bull said as he looked over the letter.

“What, he can’t challenge a magister to a duel! You can refuse, Dorian, you don’t have to fight in the street like a thug.” Varania cried.

“I can’t refuse,” Dorian replied. “I mean I could, but then I would have to deal with the fact that he had gone through the proper channels to make this legitimate. If it’s found out that I forfeited a duel with someone who wasn’t a magister or an altus, then I might as well pack up and leave Minrathous. I would never be taken seriously again.” 

He sat back in his chair. “Fenris is smart. He knows he’s trapped me into doing this.” 

“But you’re a mage, he’s not. How would it even be a fair fight?” Bull asked as he felt Varania tug on his arm to read over the letter.

“Hawke is his second,” Varania said, her eyes scanning the parchment. “Dorian can ask to fight Hawke.” 

“I won’t,” Dorian said firmly. 

“My brother is strong, you’d have a fight on your hands,” Carver warned. 

“I know,” Dorian answered. “And I’m not going to fight Hawke.” 

“Fenris will kill you, he’s been made into a weapon by Danarius, you know that Dorian.” Varania said with panic. “Let me be your second, or Sirad or Carver. Please.” 

“No, I’ll be his second if he must have one. I won’t have Hawke going against Hawke.” Bull threw in as he handed the challenge back to his lover. 

“I’m fighting Fenris.” Dorian took the letter back and folded it carefully. “Do any of you think that if Fenris fought anyone else, or if I fought Hawke, that it would satisfy him? No… He needs me. It needs to be me.” 

“What if he kills you?” Bull asked.

“But...this isn’t to the death, it didn’t say to the death!” Varania replied.

“It’s not to the death,” Dorian confirmed. “Fenris might hate me right now, but I don’t think he’d--” 

“Kill you?” Carver finished. “Fenris is quick. Quick with his blade, and quick to anger.”

“And if he wanted me dead, do you think that anything could stop him from coming right in here and taking my heart?” Dorian asked. 

“Then what the fuck does he want?” Bull snapped. 

“Honor, he feels like what we did was an affront to his honor and he’s using this as a way to get back at us.” Varania offered.

“he wants to humiliate me. He wants to vent his rage. He wants all of you to see it.” Dorian twisted the ends of his mustache. “And I owe it to him to give him the chance.” 

“You keep doing these things because you think you owe him.” Carver leaned in close, making sure that Dorian was paying attention. “At some point, you’re going to realize that you have repaid him.” 

“This is over after this. Win or lose, it’s over Dorian. You are done with this debt you keep adding on to in some effort to pay him back for something that will always leave red in your ledger. Go on and answer, I will be your second.” Bull slid him parchment and a quill with a stern look. 

“I can’t be party to this, I can’t,” Varania said before she left for her quarters.

“You’ll abide by the rules of the duel and not interfere unless you have to?” The quill hovered over the parchment, a drop of ink condensing into a ball and slowly growing larger. Dorian was worried the moment things started to go wrong for him in the duel, Bull would violate the rules to help him.

“Yes, I have my own sense of honor and ethics to abide by, Dori.” Bull sighed.

Dorian nodded and set the quill to the parchment.

“I will sign as your second.” Bull leaned in and signed in his tight, neat script. “There, now if you don’t mind, I need to go hit things for awhile.” 

“The duel will be in one week,” Dorian reminded him. “I… I‘m sorry about this. I’m sorry about everything, Bull. You’ve done nothing but try to support me in my foolishness.” 

“Save your sorry for after the duel, get it all out in one go.” Bull replied before he headed off to the yard and hopefully a long bout with Krem.

**  
They met a week later in the training grounds of the Archon’s personal guard. It was semi private, and Fenris, as general, had easy access to it. 

But so did some of the guard, and in turn, a few magisters, altus, and servants. 

The training grounds had been built centuries ago to withstand and contain magical attack. The guards trained for any and all scenarios, and being in the grounds ensured no one else was hurt. 

Dorian stood to one end on the hard packed earth. He wore simple clothes, like the kind he had once worn in Skyhold. His family staff was already in his hands, his face impassive as he watched Fenris ready himself, the elf swinging his massive sword.

Bull watched them, his gaze flicked between his lover and his friend, worried that blood would be shed before the elven fighter was satisfied.

Fenris shed his leather coat, his armor dark and smooth with a sheen in the morning sun. He went to the center of the ring, and waited for the officiant to begin their duel.

Sirad glanced from one end of the training grounds to the other before he pitched his voice to be overheard by Fenris, Dorian, and those watching in the marble seats that ringed the training grounds. 

“Magister Dorian of House Pavus. You have been challenged over a matter of honor by General Fenris Hawke of Seheron. The rules are simple. The first one to have the other yield, wins the duel. This is not to the death. Bystanders may not interfere, nor may they be used. If need be, your seconds will take over, standing in your stead. Do you both agree?” 

Dorian nodded. “I do.” 

“As do I.” Fenris replied as he stared at Dorian.

“Then you may begin!” Sirad turned and hurried away from the grounds and out of the wards. 

The moment Sirad crossed, sending the wards to shimmering, power surged in Dorian. he snapped his staff out, etching runes in the dirt as quickly as he could. He knew he only had seconds, if even that.

Fenris didn’t waste time with chatter, instead he barreled towards his opponent brands alight and clawed gauntlets out to take Dorian down.

Adrenaline spiked in Dorian and he ignited the runes. He glanced up and had only moments to trip back out of the way of an arcing blade as the undead burst from the ground, centuries of soldiers dying in the training grounds of Minrathous coming to his beck and call.

“Typical magister.” Fenris snarled as he made short work of the undead minions. “Fight me.” he hissed as he pivoted towards the mage. 

The spirits came next, flooding out of the ether to fight and protect Dorian. The mage barely kept out of reach of Fenris’ sword, using the spirits as shields. 

The elven general hissed as he cut through the spirits in an effort to get to Dorian. “Fight me mage, stop hiding behind your undead creatures.” 

Bull’s fingers clenched around the railing as he watched Fenris pursue his lover. He wanted to break the rules and run to him but he knew he had to stay in his seat. 

Next to him, Varania and an older elven woman watched them without moving, almost without breathing it seemed. “He’s going to kill Dorian.”

“No,” Carver said next to her. “He wants a fight.” 

When the last spirit was cut down, Fenris finally got his wish. He had lashed out, his blade slipping past what little defenses Dorian had, and sliced cleanly through his side. It wasn’t a deep wound, but the elf had drawn first blood. 

For a moment, Dorian was tempted. He could feel warm blood dripping down his side, feel the sharp sting of the cut. He could get the power he needed right now, right here, to end this. But instead he snarled and ice burst from his hand.

Fenris pivoted away, but too slowly to avoid ice casing one of his legs. He cracked it with the butt of his sword before he circled Dorian while he got his circulation back. The elven fighter kept the mage in his sights until he stopped and sprang at him.

He crashed into Dorian, taking him to the ground. The breath slammed out of the mage in a rush, pain shooting up his spine. 

_Fire,_ Dorian thought to himself. _Do it now!_

But he knew he couldn’t, not if he wanted to avoid burning Fenris and give him the satisfaction he needed. Instead, he took his staff and managed to slam it into the side of Fenris’ head. 

“Venhedis!” Fenris snapped as he rolled off of Dorian and struggled to his feet. He shook his head but that only made the ringing worse. “I’ll kill you for that.” he hissed.

Dorian rolled to his feet, his robes covered in dust and grime. “No.” 

“Watch me.” Fenris let his markings go bright as he charged at his adversary, slightly dazed but he was determined to make the mage pay for ringing his bell.

Dorian spread ice in Fenris’ path in a bid to slow him down. He never expected to win this fight, but he wasn't going to let Fenris kill him either. But the ice did little, Fenris phasing right through it.

Carver had gotten to his feet, his hands squeezing the railing right alongside Bull. “This needs to stop. He’s going to do it. He’s actually…” 

Fenris bowled Dorian over, and slammed his fist into the ground next to the mage’s head. “I’m going to kill you, Pavus. Slow, while your lover watches.” He hissed, uncaring for the scream for him to stop from his sister. All he knew was the blood lust pounding in his veins, the urge to take Dorian’s heart. 

“Is that what it will take for you to forgive your sister? To regain your honor?” Dorian asked, his heart slamming in his chest.

“I’ll never forgive her.” Fenris replied low enough for just Dorian to hear. “Never will there be anything that will satisfy me.” the elf huffed as he realized he was seeing two mages under him and his arms trembled. “I will not yield.”

Dorian’s eyes flickered over to the side. “This isn’t you, Fenris,” he whispered back. “Something’s wrong…” 

He tilted his head back as far as he could and cried out. “I yield!”   
The elf’s eyes narrowed at his proclamation, and he remained over the mage sure it was a trick. He raised his hand to strike at his opponent but a warm hand closed over his arm before he could connect.

“Love, please ...he yielded.” Hawke reminded him, worried by the way Fenris held himself so still over Dorian.

Bull had run over and slid to his knees next to Dorian, then up to Fenris, as he watched the elf just stared at Dorian as if he’d never seen him. 

Finally, the warrior got up with Hawke’s help and stood only because of Hawke’s arm around him.

“Love?” Invictus asked quietly.

“Not...in front of them.” Fenris replied shakily.

Before they could leave the field, Varania approached with the older woman in tow, her steps hurried as she dared with her elder companion. Once she she reached Fenris, the woman went to him with a curious glance at him. She had the same green eyes as Fenris, same jawline as her son.

“Fenris?” she asked quietly.

“Ma’am?” he rasped as he struggled to stay upright.

“You ...don’t remember me, because of what your fool sister did. Do you?” she said as she approached him.

“I...don’t understand, ma’am.” he said with a wince. “Forgive me, I am injured and need to see a healer.”

“I will follow if you don’t mind.” she offered.

“Ma’am, I don’t mind, and I doubt Fenris does but he needs a healer before he falls on his face.” Invictus replied as he tightened his grip on the fighter.

Dorian covered his face with his hands. He still lay sprawled in the dirt, the others talking above him.

“Come on, Pavus,” Carver said gently. “You’re bleeding.” 

“Can you get up? Do I need to carry you kadan?” Bull asked.

“I can get up. Don’t… Don’t help me until we’re well out of sight of the crowd.” Dorian gingerly rolled over on his side and then to his feet. He lifted his head to watch Fenris and the others walk away from the grounds. 

**

Fenris waited until the were behind closed doors to sag in Invictus’ grip. “Let me lie down, before I fall down.” he mumbled.

“How hard did he hit you?” Vic asked as he got the elf down on a bench. “How many fingers am I holding up?” he asked the elf.

“Four.” 

“Shit...he clocked you harder than I thought, I only held up two fingers.” Vic replied.

“Do you want me to go back and get Sirad?” Varania asked.

“Yeah, luckily he’s too hard headed to get knocked out.” Vic said as he tried to keep the elven fighter’s focus on him.

“Who’s that woman Vic?” Fenris asked as he let his eyes close.

“Keep your eyes open, look at me.”

“I’ll be fine,” the woman told Varania when the younger elf gave her a concerned look. “Go and get him help.” 

Varania nodded and hurried to go and fetch Sirad. 

“I’m sorry, madam, but who are you?” Vic asked.

“Cassia,” she replied simply. She knelt down in front of Fenris and peered into his eyes. 

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” Hawke asked. He didn’t like how familiar she seemed to be with Fenris, getting into his lover’s space as she was.

“I’m his mother, which Varana told me might not be familiar to him. I wanted to see my son for myself, see who he’s grown into. Since he probably doesn’t remember me.” she replied.

“Mother is dead, it was my fault.” Fenris mumbled as he tried to keep his eyes closed and turn away from Vic’s grip. “Delirious...must be delirious…” he whispered in Tevene.

Cassia gently pushed Fenris back down to the bench. “He was hit pretty hard. I can see the lump from here.” 

“He’s going to freak out when he realizes he’s not hallucinating you. Did Varania explain _why_ he won’t remember that you’re not dead? He’s gone for years filled with regret over what happened, well what had happened. This might not be the best time to reunite with him. madame Cassia.” Hawke gently turned Fenris towards him and tapped his cheeks.

“You’ve got a head injury, you have to stay awake.” he urged his lover.

“No...sleep, tired, just let me sleep. Everything hurts, Vic, please just a few minutes.” Fenris slurred.

The doors to the villa burst open and Varania came rushing back inside with Sirad in tow. 

“Excuse me,” Sirad muttered as he pushed his way by everyone to get to Fenris. 

“An elven magister? Will wonders never cease.” Cassia said as she sat with her daughter.

“He’s seeing double, and keeps talking about ringing. How bad is it?” Hawke asked

Fenris’ brands pulsed lightly when Sirad used his magic to see what the damage was. “Not too bad,” he confirmed. “He needs rest and not to exert himself, though.” 

“Mother? I heard that woman say she was my mother..not possible, she’s dead.” Fenris said as he looked up at Invictus.

“Love...remember what Dorian and Varania did? She never died, she worked for the Pavus family until she retired.” Vic told him.

“That is the truth, Leto.” Cassia said as she approached. “I’ve no reason to make up such a tale, or travel all this way otherwise.” 

“Mother, I think we should give him some space for a few days to rest,” Varania suggested, no small amount of concern in her voice. 

Fenris didn’t answer, he’d fallen silent as he considered the woman before him. Silver haired but with his same eyes, same facial contours. “How...how are you here?” he asked as he sat up with Vic’s help. 

“Easy, love, remember Sirad said to rest.” Vic reminded him.

“Please don’t be angry, I wanted to show you something good came of our interference.” Varania said

“She was dead?” Sirad asked, his eyes darting from Varania, Fenris, and the older elven woman, noting the similarities. 

“She died from wasting, when she and Varania were freed. As part of my boon, but it never happened did it? I...she, she never died.” Fenris said as he stumbled to his feet and went to his mother. “Maman?”

A tearful smile spread over her lips. “My son,” she whispered. 

“Maman…” he replied before he hugged Cassia to him and wept. 

“Let’s give them some privacy, I don’t think he’ll want an audience for this.” Vic said as he glanced at the others and stepped away.

“I’ll stay, in case he needs help.” Varania said as she wiped a few tears away herself.

Sirad followed Vic out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind him. 

“This is a mess,” he muttered more to himself, Invictus leading them to the dining hall.

“How so?” Vic wasn’t sure how his lover getting a second chance to know his mother was a bad thing.

“People coming back, time magic, how is this not a mess?” Sirad asked. “I love Dorian, but this is too much.” 

“Well, we told him it was all fucked up. What else has changed I wonder.” Hawke asked as he flopped down in a chair and stared at his friend.

“Zevran came to me this morning before the duel asking questions,” Sirad said. 

“What kind of questions?” Hawke glanced at the elaborate water clock on the mantle, unsure of how long to give his lover before he went back for him.

“About what I knew of what Dorian and Varania had done, the process behind it.” Sirad made his way to a sideboard to pour them some wine. 

“He said that more has changed than we knew.” 

“Considering that their mother is alive, I’d say that’s an understatement. Perhaps we should visit Dorian while he gets reaquainted with Cassia?”

“I was just there making sure he didn’t get an infection in the wound Fenris had given him. But you’re right, we need to talk to him about this. Maybe your brother can offer some insight as well since he has had dealings with magic gone wrong.” Sirad stepped back away from the wine. If they were going to have these sorts of conversations he needed a clear head. Healing Fenris had muddled it enough with the power and lyrium slipping through his system.

“I’ll just tell him its a visit to make sure we’re even, and to remind him I’m not to be trifled with for clocking Fenris so hard he saw double.” Hawke stretched out, his mind working over whether Carver would even talk to him or if he could talk to Carver without a fight.

“Then let’s go and find out what Magister Pavus has to say for himself.” 

“Alright, let me tell Fenris where I’ll be,” Hawke slipped back out to find Fenris talking with hsi mother and sister quietly. 

“Love, I’ll be back in a little while. Just take it easy alright?” Hawke asked

Fenris waved him off with a tight smile before he gave his family his full attention.

**  
To say that the air was thick with tension in Dorian’s large bedchamber was an understatement. Dorian was propped up in his bed, thick pillows supporting him. Bull and Carver were to one side of the room, while Sirad and Invictus were on the other. 

“So good of you to come and find out about my health, Hawke,” Dorian said dryly. 

“Considering I kept Fenris from killing you, you have an odd way of being appreciative, Pavus.” Hawke replied.

“It’s been an odd sort of day,” Dorian returned. 

Carver rolled his eyes. “What brings you?” he asked, cutting to the chase.

Vic ignored his sibling and glanced at Dorian. “Fenris and Varania’s mother is alive. That’s not supposed to be the case, so we’re wondering what else has been changed. He nearly collapsed when he realized it was her and not a hallucination.” 

Dorian closed his eyes in resignation. “I was afraid he wouldn’t take it well. Varania wouldn't let her go, and in the end, we had to have her and Varania both working at the villa.”

“These memories of what had been, what could be, and what is, is not something the mind can handle,” Sirad warned. “You know that, Dorian.” 

“Do I?” Dorian opened his eyes. “I’m only just now realizing.” 

“I think because he’s too concussed to deal with it, he’s probably accepting it and thinking it’s not real. What happens when he’s gotten some rest and realizes he actually has his mother back? Do you know what kind of an emotional mine field that will be for everyone?” Hawke asked.

“Varania and I were prepared to go back and make sure none of this ever happened,” Dorian said quietly. 

“No,” Carver ground out.

“As you can see, we had some opposition.” 

“No, dammit. Now that he’s met her again, you’ll really fuck things up. Just...what do we do now? Zevran is looking for solutions or at least looking into what else changed.” Hawke said.

“I said it was over with this stupid duel Dorian. No more time magic, no more blood magic. It is done, do you understand me Pavus?” Bull asked as he stared down his lover.

A muscle in Dorian’s jaw flexed, and he nodded his head in understanding. 

“How is Fenris?” he asked instead.

“I’m not sure. He’s probably sure he’s in some dream or confused. He was seeing double, double, Dorian. You have any idea how hard you need to hit someone to make them see double?” Hawke hissed.

“I have a pretty good idea.” Dorian sat up straighter. “Especially considering he was trying to kill me at the time. I think I showed some restraint.” 

“The only reason I stopped him is because you had yielded and he would have lost the duel. Do not think I would stop him should the opportunity rise again, Pavus.” Hawke glared at the other magister, smoke rose from his palms as he fought to control his temper.

“Brother...don’t make me have to smite you too.” Carver warned.

“You say that like I won’t just hit you. I don’t need my powers to take you on.” Vic replied.

“Invictus,” Sirad cautioned. 

“Something is wrong with Fenris,” Dorian said as if Carver and Invictus weren’t arguing. “You know it’s true, Hawke.” 

“Gee, I wonder why that is, Dorian. Time magic perhaps? Being carved up with lyrium poured all over him? There’s been something wrong with him for a long time.” Hawke sniped

“He told me that he would never forgive Varania. That he and I would never be even. The duel was a farce. Losing to him was a farce. it accomplished nothing.” 

“He what?” Carver said in shock. 

“I lost to him for no reason,” Dorian reiterated. 

“You threw the match?” Hawke asked in surprise.

“I gave a good go of it at first,” Dorian sniffed. “But yes, I did. Fenris’ honor needed to be satisfied. I thought accepting this duel and giving him the chance would appease him.” 

“He would not do all that for a farce.He loathes the bullshit that magisters do in the name of satisfaction for imagined transgressions. He’s a general in the Archon’s army, part of his personal guard. He wouldn't do that. What do you think is wrong with him?” Hawke was nearly on top of Dorian as he finished, concern warring with fury over the other mages accusation.

“I don’t know.” Dorian glanced up, not the least bit intimidated. Granted, it was more due to having a kossith and a templar in the same room should he need help.

“No, you said he’s not right. Explain yourself, now, Pavus.” Hawke snapped.

“Mind getting back a couple of feet Hawke? I’d rather not have to pitch you out the door for getting violent.” Bull warned.

“Because I saw something in his eyes when he had me dead to rights. I never believed he would kill me, not on purpose, but in that moment, I knew he would without a second thought. Me and Varania. What does that tell you, Hawke?” 

Now that Dorian was saying aloud, he couldn’t take any of it back, he had to face the reality of it all, the ugly and naked truth. 

“He… he wouldn’t kill you like that. You’re wrong.” Hawke replied quietly.

Dorian repeated word for word what Fenris had hissed in his ear right before Dorian had yielded. “You know him better than anyone,” he finished. “What do you think he meant?” 

“I don’t know. That’s not like him, not after he went through all that to challenge you. Then...he burst into tears he spoke to his mother. This doesn’t add up at all.” Hawke said as he took a seat.

“No, it doesn’t,” Dorian agreed. 

“So what… Fenris is…” Sirad floundered as he searched for the right words. 

“Cracking up over conflicting memories,” Dorian offered. “Or something more is happening.” 

“He’s been through so much, he doesn’t need anything else.” Hawke said and nearly jumped when Sirad put his hand on Vic’s shoulder.

“What if he snaps? Thinks none of us are real, or thinks he’s hallucinating?” Carver asked.

“That’s what I’m worried about.” Dorian scrubbed at his face with his hands. “We need to help him.” 

“Should have thought of that before you all went around fucking with time.” Hawke muttered. 

“Maybe we should go see him? Let Bull and Dorian catch up?” Carver offered.

Dorian threw back his blanket and set his feet to the floor. He was naked except for his smalls and padded over to the wardrobe. 

“I did this. I’m coming with you.” 

“I think you have done plenty, and you are injured. I don’t need or want any more of your help Pavus.” Hawke said.

“Let him do this, then he comes home to rest.” Bull said with a shrug.

“Why do I bother healing anyone?” Sirad grumbled.

Dorian finished dressing and strapping his staff to his back. 

“Let’s go,” he said. He was still weak, but he needed to see this through.

“Fine, but if he flips on you I’m not stopping him. I think we have had enough of your help to last us a lifetime and then some.” Hawke griped.

**

“Both of you should just give up and connect your villas together,” Carver muttered when they entered Hawke’s house. “I’ve been going back and forth between the two often enough.”

“Not now, brother.” Vic snapped as he came in and called for Fenris. “Love, we’re home.”

It was Varania who greeted them, coming to the entrance hall at a run. “Oh, thank the Maker! He’s locked himself in his chambers. He called mother and I demons.”

Vic groaned as he turned to head to their rooms. “See, this is what I was afraid of. I’m just glad he didn’t lash out.”

“As are we, Hawke, as are we.” Bull replied as he followed.

They found Fenris’ mother at the door, banging on it and calling out for her son to open it.

“Cassia, please let me try.” Invictus said as he came up to the door.

“Mother, come here, he won’t listen to us.” Varania tugged her mother to her, terrified of what would happen if Fenris opened the door.

Dorian closed his eyes against the chaos around him. he would pay for his arrogance for the rest of his life, and it seemed so would everyone else close to him. Zevran had been reporting small changes in Minrathous, ripples Dorian had created in the lives of people he had never met, but one of them had touched in some fashion. 

Slaves who were now free.

Freemen who were now slaves. 

The living gone.

The dead back to life. 

On and on it went, the world no longer what it once was, and those nearest to Dorian, those whom he had tried to help, were at the brunt of it all.

He had always been able to raise the dead, but now he had brought them back to life. There was a price to pay for that kind of power.

“Fenris, love can you hear me? Please let me know you hear me. I’m worried for you. I’m frightened amatus, please tell me you can hear me.” Vic called out.

After a stretch of quiet, the door opened with a soft click and Invictus was dragged into the room before he could protest. “Did they harm you?” Fenris asked as he touched Vic’s face and chest for his own assurance.

Outside of the door, Dorian began to pace, chewing on his knuckles in thought. 

“No love, they didn’t hurt me. You know who I am, where you are?” Vic asked as he let his lover inspect him

“There are demons out there,” Fenris hissed. “I know exactly where I am--in a vile nest of evil. I’ll protect you, Invictus.” 

“Fenris, listen to me. There are no demons, we are in the real world and I don’t need protecting. You are not well, and I am very worried for you. That was Varania and your mother. Do you remember what Dorian and she did? Do you know who you are?” Vic asked.

“My mother is dead,” Fenris snapped back. “You know that, Invictus. You know that unless…” He took a slow, step back from the mage. “You should know that she’s dead.” 

“Fenris, listen carefully. I know she _should_ be dead. However, Dorian and Varania did time magic and messed things up. Do you remember anything at all?” Vic asked as he fought the panic that wanted to take over.

“I remember many things.” Fenris eyebrows drew down sharply as his thoughts fought one another. “This is just another demon trick. We’re in the fade and you aren’t real either. Why else would I be in Minrathous. I wouldn’t come here.” 

Invictus swallowed and tried to keep calm. “I’m not a demon, I’m very much real Fenris. Don’t you remember the last year and a half? The Inquisition? The fights with the Venatori, being rescued, your ascension to General with the new Archon? Meeting Dorian, moving here after all of that?” 

“I finally realize how ridiculous all of this was. You, the Inquisition, becoming a general of Tevinter? It makes sense now. None of this is real. Someone like you would never… You aren’t real.” Fenris took another step back from Hawke.

“Maker give me strength.” Vic sat his staff down and approached his lover slowly. “Love, I am very, very real as are you. Go on, touch me. See that I am warm, alive and yours as always.” 

“I won’t touch a demon. You will feel real, because we’re in the Fade and everything here feels real.” For every step Hawke took towards him, Fenris took one back. 

“If we’re in the Fade, where is the Black City? Remember you can see it at all times if you are in the Fade. We are home Fenris, we are real, you are real. Please, you are terrifying me.” Vic said as he stopped and let his fingertips graze the elf’s cheek, slowly so he wouldn’t lose a hand.

But it wasn’t a hand that he had to worry about. With lyrium fueled reflexes, Fenris’ brands ignited. His hand shot forward, phasing through Invitus’ chest. He could feel the shuttering heartbeat in the palm of his hand.

“Don’t speak to me as if you know me, demon.” 

Hawke screamed as he felt the hand on his heart. He panted as he stared at Fenris with sheer terror in his eyes. He’d never wanted to feel that talent of his lover. “I beg you Fenris, I am begging, please, please I am not a demon. I am not a demon. I have offered nothing, I can offer nothing but my heart which you have in your hand. Maker, what ...will it take...for you to believe me?” He gasped.

Banging on the door thundered through the room, frantic cries and pleas for Fenris to open up filtering through the thick wood. 

“I remember so many things,” Fenris rasped. “I remember what it was like to not be able to do this. I remember what it was like to live a life time free of pain and fear. But you weren’t there. Why weren’t you there?” 

“I don’t know … I don’t know..,. please Fenris, please don’t do this.There’s no going back if you kill me.” Vic begged as he watched for any hint he had gotten through to the elf.

Before Fenris could answer, the door splintered and Bull crashed through. He stopped when he saw the warrior’s hand sunk through Vic’s chest and the way the elf stared at his lover. “We heard the screaming.” 

Fenris glanced at the intruders out of the corner of his eyes. “What did you do to me?” he asked in a deadly whisper. “Demons and Fade trickery? Am I going mad? Why do I know this man and not know him? Why do I think he’s my lover, and why do I remember a life of never having him at all?” 

“Fenris,” Dorian said, carefully stepping forward. “Fenris, this is my fault. Again I have caused you to suffer. Again I have used magic to do you wrong. Without your markings, without ever having belonged to Danarius and then fleeing him, fleeing to Kirkwall and meeting Hawke, you became someone different. There was a hollowness in you that couldn’t be filled. When I knew that, I gave you back to him. I went to the past and undid the damage, giving you your markings and pain, but giving you Hawke back in return. You are remembering both lives, they’re fighting for control in you. Maybe it’s your markings that make things more real to you than they should be for one who didn’t go with Varania and I, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t agitate him, he’s got my life in his hand...literally.” Hawke gasped. 

“Fenris, do you remember me? Meeting me at Skyhold?” Bull asked.

“I remember it, but I also remember making my living as a bodyguard while my mother and Varania worked at the Pavus estate. Who is to say which is real.” 

“Both, both are real because time is all messed up now. Please let go of me, please Fenris. I am begging you to realize we are not in the Fade. You can’t see the Black City, you can’t so it’s real.” Vic sobbed as he tried not to collapse and let Fenris take his heart as he fainted.

Carver slowly approached the elf and his brother, hands out in supplication. “I’m a templar, I can prove he is no demon if you will let me Fenris.”

“Demons can disguise themselves as templars,” Fenris said with narrowed eyes. A part of Fenris was screaming at him to stop, to let Invictus go, that he would hate himself if he hurt him.

“Then you will leave us with nothing,” Carver replied calmly. “There is no Black City, my brother is right. Let him go, and let me prove it all to you.” 

Fenris glanced out the window to a blue and sunny sky. It didn’t matter which way one turned in the Fade, the Black City would always be there, off in the distance. 

Carefully, he released Hawke, pulling his hand back slowly so as not to hurt him.

Invictus stepped back into Carver’s arms and fainted dead away.

Bull turned to face the other warrior with worry for his friend. “Do you believe him now?”

“What is wrong with me?” Fenris groaned, clutching at his head. “It’s too much. too many memories.” 

“Time has been unbalanced and for some reason it’s affected you much worse than us. I suspect its a sensitivity to magic due to your brands. Let me get Vic settled in a room and we can try to help you, Fenris.” 

Carver picked up Vic with a grunt. “Maker what does he eat? He’s damned heavy.”

Cassia and Varania had remained outside the room until Carver exited with his sibling. Once Carver passed, they entered to find Fenris huddled on the floor with Sirad close to him but not touching.

“Can we help him?” Varania asked, worry lacing her every word.

“I don’t know,” Sirad answered honestly. 

“I better leave him alone until he’s either better or decides that we are all figments of his imagination. I want my boy well, but I think I might actually make things worse.” Cassia replied sadly.

“I’ll take you back to the Pavus villa, mother.” Varania linked her arm with the other woman to lead her away.

“I’m sorry son.” Cassia whispered as she was led away.

Fenris had curled into himself, and answered Sirad in short, clipped words as he fought not to lash out with everyone crowding him.

Dorian ran his forefinger over his mustache again and again as his mind worked, coming up with and discarding idea after idea.

“I want ...I want Vic, where is he?” Fenris finally asked.

“He’s resting right now,” Sirad said gently, in a tone of voice he hoped projected calm. 

“I need to be sure he’s ok, that I didn’t hurt him too much. Where is he?” Fenris asked in a panic, worried they were going to keep him from Invictus.

“Carver took him to his chambers to rest. He’ll be fine,” Sirad soothed. As soon as he was able, he was going to check on Hawke himself. 

Dorian didn’t speak, afraid that bringing too much attention to himself might set Fenris off again.

“I need to see him, why are you keeping me from him?” Fenris asked as he scrambled to his feet. “Take me to him.”

Sirad sighed, mumbling under his breath about how all of his patients were stubborn before helping Fenris to his feet. 

“Thank you, I just need to see him.” Fenris said as he followed Sirad out and ignored the others. He was confused and mortified that he’d hurt Invictus, even if he wasn’t one-hundred percent sure what the man meant to him in his own confusion.

Sirad knocked on the door to Invictus’ chambers. Even though Fenris and Hawke usually slept together in Hawke’s rooms, Fenris also had his own space if he needed it. 

Carver opened the door, saw who was out in the hall and let them both in. 

Fenris looked worried as he entered to see Hawke laid out, still and breathing shallowly. “How...how bad did I hurt him?” 

“I don’t know yet,” Carver said softly. He had pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. He held one of Invictus’ hands, his eyes tracking the slow rise and fall of his chest.

“Let me look,” Sirad offered. without waiting for a reply, he moved to the other side of the bed and placed his hands on Hawke’s chest. 

“He’s never going to forgive me. I nearly killed him.” Fenris said as he watched Sirad work.

“He’ll forgive you anything,” Carver murmured. “You’re the only person in his life he’s so forgiving of. He loves you, Fenris.” 

Light shimmered across Invictus’ body, Sirad’s hands running over the length of him as he assessed the damage.

“Not this, this can’t be forgiven. I...I should go. I shouldn't be the first person he sees once he’s awake.” Fenris replied, rattled as he watched the elven magister put his powers to work.

“You run out of here, I’ll drag you back by the ear. You think he wants to wake up without you near by or at his side?” Bull said as he fell in with his friends.

“You think he wants to wake up and have _me_ be the first person he sees?” Carver vacated his seat and pointed to it. “Sit.”

“You’re blood, no matter how he acts. I’m ...nothing. I nearly killed him, Carver, I don’t deserve to be here.” Fenris replied as he remained still, terrified to move.

“Sit,” Carver said firmly. 

Fenris remained where he was until Bull made him sit down. “Move and I’ll drag you back here.” he warned.

“Maker give me strength,” Carver mumbled and stepped back away from the bed. 

The magic over Hawke abruptly stopped and Sirad pulled back. “He’ll be fine, he just needs some rest. His heart had a few problems, but I corrected them.” 

“I want to go, he doesn’t need to see me not after what I did to him.” Fenris begged.

“Do you really want me to tie you to that chair?” Bull asked.

“So you’d hurt him, then leave so he can’t even talk to you about it afterwards?” Carver raised an eyebrow. “I never took you for a coward, Fenris.” 

“I never thought I’d have to try and figure out what is real and what is not Carver. I’m a coward, so what. I can’t face him after what I did. Why would you do this to me? I won’t leave the villa, I just can’t be here for him to see when he wakes.” Fenris argued.

Unfortunately for him, Invictus opened his eyes as he spoke. He seemed confused by what was being said, but he reached out towards his lover, worried by what he heard. “Love, I need you. Don’t go.”

“And there you have it from the man himself.” Carver gave his brother a relieved grin he couldn’t see.

The elven warrior didn’t take Invictus’ hand, instead he looked over to him then back to the floor. “I nearly killed you.”

Sirad had moved farther away to give the two men space.

“But you didn’t, and I’d rather you look at me; take my hand please.” Vic said.

“The hand you want to hold is one that was just in your chest. I could have killed you,” he repeated. “I had your heart in my hand and I…” Fenris fisted one of his hands in his lap. 

“The hand I hold also has brought me great comfort, the man I’m looking at is my all and I know you would never hurt me if you were in your right mind. Look at me Fenris, know that I am not angry.” Vic tugged gently on the elf’s hand so he’d face him.

“I could have lost you,” Fenris said, his voice broken. “I could have lost you and it would have been my doing.” 

“You didn’t. You listened and I’m still here.” Vic pulled a bit harder so the warrior had to join him on the bed. “Come here, love.”

“And with that I’m leaving. Glad to see you’re not dead, brother.” Carver took a hold of Sirad’s arm to steer him out of the room. 

“Glad I’m not dead either, thank you.” Hawke said, a tired smile on his face.

“We’re going to stay in your villa while we straighten things out,“ Carver added, inviting himself and everyone else. “Hope you don’t mind all of the company.” 

“It’s fine, once I can get out of bed...I’ll come find you.” Vic said.

Fenris sat there, unmoving as he awaited Invictus to explode at him or something in response to nearly killing him.

Bull, Carver, and Sirad left the two lovers alone, shutting the door firmly behind them. 

“Well, aren’t you going to yell?” Fenris asked

Hawke closed his eyes and laid back against the pillows. “Do you want me to?” 

“Yes, I nearly fucking killed you. Why aren’t you angry?” Fenris asked as he wiped tears away.

“Because you hesitated. I’ve seen you kill that way before, Fenris. You’re quick. You rarely give your victim a chance to say two words before their heart is out and their body is dropping to the floor. You spoke to me, you listened, because deep down you knew that something was wrong and you didn’t want it to happen.” 

“I...Vic, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Fenris crawled into his arms and broke down, sure the mage was going to yell and scream once he realized how close he’d come to dying.

But Hawke didn’t. Instead, he wrapped his arms around his lover and held onto him as Fenris’ shoulders shook, sobs escaping from his throat.

Soon the elf quieted and pulled back with a few hoarse sniffs. “I need to clean up, I’m a mess.” he scooted off the bed and went to the basin, and lingered long enough for Hawke to call him.

Invictus rolled over gingerly. “Stop. Stop thinking about leaving. Stop thinking that I will hate you now.” 

“You should.” was all Fenris said as he forced himself back to the bed to stretch out next to Invictus but not enough to touch.

“I don’t like being told what to do. You know that.” Invictus rolled back over. “And are you going to punish me as well as yourself?” 

“I’m not punishing you.” Fenris replied. “What do you want from me, Invictus?”

“I’m tired and still in some pain. I need for you to come over here, and believe that I don’t give a fuck and I forgive you. I can’t argue right now.” 

“Do you need more healing? I can get Sirad.” Fenris said as he scooted over, just enough to line up with Hawke but not hold him too close.

“You’re punishing me by keeping yourself away from me. I need you right now and you are holding yourself back out of some sense of misplaced guilt. You almost killed me, but you didn’t, That wasn’t you, Fenris. I know you. I know that wasn’t you.” He closed his eyes in weariness. “Please don’t make me cajole you.” 

“As you wish Invictus.” Fenris got closer to Vic and gently wrapped his arm around the mage’s waist. He was silent as he laid there, his mind racing as he waited for Vic to speak.

“I’m not going to yell at you,” Hawke growled. “Just… Please.” 

“I believe you, I’m just...I’m messed up. I am still not sure if my mother actually lives or if that it was a demon. I’m so confused Hawke. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Fenris buried his face against Vic’s chest and let his tears fall silently.

“We’ll figure this out--together. I’m not going anywhere. You’ve stood by me through some of the hardest parts in my life.” Hawke pressed a kiss to the top of Fenris’ head. 

“And we’re going to make sure that Pavus doesn’t destroy anymore lives.” 

“It doesn’t matter what he does. I give up, Hawke. I just want to recover from this, and try to get myself together. I want you to heal and forgive me. I don’t care about anything else right now.” Fenris replied.

But Hawke wasn’t known for being so forgiving to people who weren’t Fenris. “I already forgive you. Don’t doubt it.” He didn’t say anything about Dorian, that would have to wait, and Fenris didn’t need to worry any more than he already was.

“As you say Hawke. Do you mind if I lie with you?” Fenris asked as he sat up wiped his face dry

“Never.” Hawke held open his arms for Fenris to return.

The elf crawled into his lovers arms and sighed in contentment. Soon he was asleep as the stress of the day finally left him.

**  
Bull, Dorian, and Sirad might have been interlopers in Hawke’s house, but they had made themselves comfortable, availing themselves of the services of Invictus’ chef. The three of them were in a heated debate while Carver sat watching them, slowly chewing his food. 

“So what do you suggest we do?” Dorian asked for what must have been the sixth time. They had been arguing all morning. “I can’t use any more time magic to go back to fix this, and I’m not sure what we can do to help Fenris.” 

“Leave him be. He’s going to heal on his own. If we use magic on him, it might make it worse.” Bull added over Sirad and Dorian.

“How much more damage do all of you want to do?” Carver asked. “Leave him alone and let Vic take care of him. He doesn’t need your help. he doesn’t need you interfering. You did what you could for Varania because she asked you. Now it’s time to let things be, Dorian.” 

“Carver is right, we should just go home. Leave them to rest and talk without our presence. He’s already going to have a hard time accepting his mother is actually here. Let’s go, Dori.” Bull offered his hand, hopeful his lover would come with him.

“I’ll stay here for another day and make sure both Hawke and Fenris are out of the woods,” Sirad assured Dorian. 

Dorian looked from one man to another before he sighed and got to his feet.

“I’ll remain nearby and check in with you after Hawke is on his feet. Thank you for what you managed, hopefully they can come out of it unscathed.” Carver raised a fork at them before he dug back into his meal.

Dorian gave him a small salute before he and Bull left to go back to the Pavus villa.

**  
Three days later they received a visit from the absent Zevran. The elf had been making periodic reports to Dorian, but this was the longest he had gone without hearing from him. 

Zevran lounged in a chair on the other side of Dorian’s desk, while Dorian looked over the sheafs of parchment Zevran had brought.

“You’re sure about this?” Dorian asked, his voice distracted. 

“I am as sure as I can be, yes? I tracked down as many rumors of people acting strangely, or those who felt slightly off in the city as I could.” Zevran inspected his nails. “You little jaunt to the past affected many.

“Do we want to know how bad it is Zevran?” Bull asked.

“I would not say bad. And I would not say good,” Zevran answered. “People are dead that were not before. Others are resurrected. The balance of life continues. Some poor have become rich, and some rich have become poor. Fenris is the only one who seems to remember so much of what it was before and what it is now. He remembers that various time lines Dorian and Varania crossed.”

Dorian dropped his head in his hands and groaned. 

“Why does he remember when so many of us don’t?” Bull asked.

“It’s the lyrium.” Dorian raised his head. “Without trying to duplicate what was done, I can only speculate as to the exact reason, but that is the only thing that is different with fenris than with anyone else in the city.” 

“Well let’s just leave him alone to deal with it. How is he doing, Zevran?” Bull asked as he pushed his remaining food around on the plate.

“Better, but only a little bit.” Zevran’s answer was non committal, and Dorian knew it.

“How do you think either of them would take a visit from me?” Bull asked as he glanced at Dorian.

“You?” Zevran asked. “Yes. No others, though.”

Dorian exhaled slowly. 

“I’ll return with you then, perhaps I can check on them on their behalf. Has Fenris seen his mother yet?” Bull asked.

“Not yet,” Zevran answered. “But they have written small messages to each other the past few days.” 

“I hope he can accept that she is real, and take solace in having her back.” Carver said quietly. “I’ll find you later, I need some air.” 

“Carver,” Zevran called. “You need to speak with your brother. This thing between the two of you is…” He waved his hand as he searched for the right words.

“I know… we have spoken briefly but things are still...too much for us right now. His brush with death has seemed to thaw the wall of ice he’d thrown up between us.” Carver hurried out of the house with an irritated sigh.

Zevran got to his feet and straighten his tunic. “Then shall we go?” he asked Bull.

“Yes, it will be good to see them. I can let Dori know they are well.” The kossith warrior followed Zevran back to the Hawke estate.

**  
Dorian waited several minutes after they had shut the door behind him before he leaned back in his chair and sighed wearily. He closed his eyes in resignation. He knew what he had to do, had been struggling with it for days now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A final peace offer, but will it be too high a price for Dorian? Will Fenris even care?

Fenris was with his mother, so deep in conversation in the dining hall that he didn’t hear the others come in. 

Hawke glanced up and caught himself about to scowl at his sibling. Instead he nodded towards the door to his office so he and Carver could talk.

Carver raised an eyebrow, but followed his brother. He took a seat in front of the large desk and waiting as Hawke closed the door behind him.

Hawke seemed incredibly uncomfortable as he poured them a drink and sat before his sibling. “I’ve been an ass, Carver, I’m...I’m so sorry.” he said quietly

The second eyebrow joined the first. “Excuse me?” 

“I’ve been an ass. I’ve been wrong and hateful, and I’ve pushed away the only family I have left because I’m fucking stupid. For years Fenris, now Zevran and others have tried to tell me you’re not the demon I’ve made you out to be.” Invictus put his glass down, and raked his fingers through his hair as he fought to speak. 

“I’ve been alone...well not alone, but I’ve disavowed you, I’ve hated you and I’ve been so wrong. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday.” Hawke finished.

“You never understood why I joined the templars. Do you understand now?” Carver asked quietly. 

“I...yes. I’m sorry, I thought you hated me. I thought… I was so fucking wrong. I’m sorry, brother.” Vic’s shoulders shook as he dropped his face in his hands.

Carver got up and reached across the desk, placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I forgive you. even if you are an insufferable ass sometimes.” 

Vic didn’t speak he just pulled Carver into a hard hug and tried to quell the emotions that had bubbled up as he heard the forgiveness in his sibling’s voice.

“You idiot,” Carver murmured with affection. 

“I know…” Vic pulled away, scrubbed at his face before he chugged his drink to avoid the swell of emotion in his heart. 

“As long as you’re aware of it,” Carver said lightly. “Why are you…” He stopped himself. “No, it doesn’t matter, does it?” 

“Why am I what?” Vic asked as he filled his glass again.

“Why now?” Carver moved back and took his seat again.

“Nearly dying, seeing your life go before you has a sobering effect on you Carver. Fenris and I had a very long, very frank discussion about it...again and this time I finally listened.” Hawke admitted.

“I hope you know I never hated you, Vic. I resented you at times, and I’ve had to make peace with that and the things I have said to you. I wasn’t a very good brother, and I know I made it easier for you to hate me.” Carvers hands curled into fists on his lap.

“I made it easy as breathing, so ...I forgive you. I am sorry, I can’t say it enough, Carver.” Hawke wandered over to the fireplace with his drink so he could avoid seeing his brother’s expression. If he saw pity on Carver’s face it would kill him.

“Beth would have knocked our heads together,” Carver said with a huff of a laugh. 

“Or frozen my sorry ass to the floor.” Hawke replied. “Fuck...I miss her, and mom.”

“Me too.” Carver took a sip of his drink, using the moment to collect himself. “They would have been proud of you, Vic.” 

That made the older Hawke laugh bitterly. “I’ve done nothing to be proud of. Look at me, a fucking magister.” Invictus drained his drink and swiped the tear tracks from his face before he looked to his sibling. “Let’s check on Fenris, I’m worried about so many people coming to see him at once.” 

“You’ve helped a lot of people and you’re happy with someone you love. All while sticking to who you are and what you believe in. They’d be proud of you, father too,” Carver insisted. 

Vic shook his head and glanced at his brother before he tried to just leave. He found he couldn’t move though he wanted to flee.

“How you can doubt it is beyond me,” Carver said softly. 

“Let’s take one thing at a time. I … let’s go, please?” Vic pleaded.

Carver smiled to himself that the great Champion of Kirkwall was felled by the mere thought that those he loved were proud of him. He got to his feet and followed Vic out. 

Invictus came in to find Fenris sitting with his mother and chatting quietly with Zevran and Bull. The mage gave him a smile and slipped in next to his elven lover. 

“Vic, are you alright? Your eyes are a little red.” Fenris noted.

“Ah, family reconciliation. A beautiful thing, no?” Zevran muttered to Bull. 

“Yeah, nice to see everyone getting along.” answered the Kossith.

“Speaking of...” Zevran drawled. “How long do we give them and your magister to speak to each other before we intervene?” He asked quietly, his lips barely moving. 

“A couple more days, Fenris seems a bit raw still.” Bull replied in Antivan. He gave the elf a sly grin. 

“When you speak to me in my own language, it makes this elf wonder about things,” Zevran replied back with a sly grin. 

“I’m full of surprises, former Ben Hassrath, remember?” Bull grinned. 

“You and I were professional rivals then.” Zevran sat back and let the conversation flow around him, missing none of it. 

“Were is the key word, Zevran. We’re friends now, I hope.” Bull countered as he watched the group shift around to chat more.

Zevran laughed and waved away his concerns. “We are friends. Besides, I don’t think we would have been rivals. The Crows worked for anyone with coin. the ben Hassrath worked for themselves and the Qun.” He said the last in Qunlat. 

“You are a man of many talents I see. Regardless, we should join them and make the rest of the visit more welcoming yeah?” Bull offered

“If you insist,” Zevran teased. 

**

Fenris was busy with letters and other correspondence in his office when the invitation came to him at work rather than home. He didn’t get a chance to refuse the ornate letter addressed to him with the seal of House Pavus on the back. “Venhedis, what does that pompous ass want?” 

Instead of tossing it in the fire, Fenris pocketed it until he got home, pitched it at Zevran as he shed his armor. “You can read it, be glad I didn’t burn it unread.”

“Well good evening to you too,” Zevran said dryly. He sat up from where he had been lounging by the fire and opened the letter. His eyes scanned the few, short words. 

“He invited every one of us to dinner tomorrow, yes?”

“Hi, sorry. Why did he invite us?” Fenris asked as he pulled on comfortable clothes and joined Zevran with a put upon sigh.

“Because he ‘wishes to make amends’,” Zevran quoted.

“Let me guess, you’re going to tell me I should attend?” Fenris asked as he stretched out, put his head in Zevran’s lap and the elf’s free hand on his head in a shameless ploy for a head rub.

“You know me so well now, yes?” Zevran slithered his fingers through the white strands. “as I know you. You will go, not because I think so, but because you wish to hear what he could possibly say.” 

“What if I don’t care what he has to say? Have you considered that?” Fenris asked in a low purr.

“If you did not care then you would have burned the letter as you said you wished to,” Zevran retorted. 

“Do not antagonize me. I have had a hard day, and getting that invitation did not help.” Fenris said as he leaned further into the other elf’s touch.

“I am only telling you what I see, yes?” Zevran moved his fingers to Fenris’ temples. “Go and see what he has to say. If it is foolish, then you have yet another reason to deride him. But if it is not, then you must listen.” 

“He’s a magister, and he’s proven he’s foolish by what he’s broken. What they have broken.” Fenris replied slowly as he opened his eyes and let Zevran see the worry that ate at him.

“Magisters are proof that very smart men, can be very stupid.” Zevran leaned down and kissed Fenris’ forehead. “And you are not broken.” 

“I...am. Still.” Fenris tugged his lover down for a slow kiss, something he needed all of a sudden. “Let’s go to your room.”

“You are not, but I cannot convince you of this, only show you. and you are avoiding the question, will you go?”

The elven warrior nodded yes, then reached for his lover’s hand. “I...need you, please.” Fenris asked.

“You always act as if i will say no to you,” Zevran teased. “You know me better than this, yes?” He gently urged Fenris to his feet. 

“I can’t assume, and I’m...just take it easy with me today.” Fenris asked as he rose to his feet and let Zevran lead him. He had become more cautious about where he took pleasure in the house since his mother had taken to dropping in to visit, sometimes without forewarning.

“Remember, tell if you are uncomfortable, yes?” Zevran reminded him. They made their way through the house and to Fenris’ chambers. 

“I think I need you to make me feel...feel something besides this.” Fenris replied.

“I can make your body feel many things. You have to allow yourself to feel what’s in your heart too, yes?” Zevran led them inside Fenris’ chambers and shut the door behind them, turning a key in the lock.

The taller of the two elves walked Zevran back to the bed, gently shoved him down before he fell to his knees before the other elf. “I trust you.”

Zevran lightly touched Fenris’ cheek. “I will never get tired of hearing that.”

**

The next day found Fenris, Hawke, Zevran, Carver and the others gathered in the large yard in the back of the Pavus Villa. They were milling about with drinks, and enjoying treats that were set around on tables instead of servants milling about.

Varania was there as well, as was Sirad and Bull. There was a bit of tension in the air, one that Varania tried to break with awkward small talk. she made her way over to her brother and gave him a weak smile. 

“Varania, you look well.” Fenris said as he tried to return her grin. 

“I am well, thank you,” she said, her tone stilted and unsure. “How are you doing, brother?” 

“I’ve been better, but I’m getting by. Any idea why your friend decided to throw this party?” he asked just as stiffly.

“I do,” she responded simply.

“And?” Carver asked. 

“And you will have to wait.”

“So glad I accepted the invitation. Excuse me, Varania.” Fenris slipped off to find Bull and catch up. 

Hawke sighed as he watched his lover put distance between them. “This is going well.” 

Carver whacked him on the back of the head and scowled. “Leave it, brother.” 

“He will always hate me,” Varania whispered to herself.

“No he won’t, he’s on edge already and you telling us we have to wait and see probably made him annoyed.” Invictus replied.

“Perhaps you all should unlock this mystery before he just gets aggravated and goes home.” Carver suggested.

“It wasn’t like that,” she began, but sighed and nodded. She moved away and entered the house to fetch Dorian.

Fenris watched her head in but didn’t stop his conversation with Bull until the magister exited next to his sister. “Maybe we’ll see what all this cloak and dagger is about.”

Carver drained the last of his wine and set it down on a passing servant’s tray. In the center of the courtyard, several servants were dragging out chests, large and small, some of them overflowing with scrolls and books. 

“What is all this?” Fenris asked of his kossith friend.

“Oh, no,” Sirad muttered. he took a step towards one of the chests and opened it carefully, his eyes scanning the contents.

“Oh no what?” Hawke asked as he glanced at the other mage, then his brother. “What is all of that?” he pondered.

“All of Dorian’s research,” Sirad answered. 

“Every last bit of it,” Dorian confirmed as he approached. “Every note, paper, scribble, and stray thought. All of my apparatuses for testing are in that chest.” He pointed to a larger, more ornate chest. “Decades of work that I did on my own and with Alexius.”

Fenris folded his arms and glared at the magister. “So you invite us here for what? To flaunt your work? To show what we don’t know?” 

“Love, please.” Invictus asked as he slipped in behind the elf. 

“Research like this is priceless,” Dorian said, his eyes glancing almost fondly at it all. “Years of work in order to produce magic that hasn’t been seen in centuries and I…” 

He took several steps back, urging the others to do the same. 

“Dorian,” Sirad warned. “Don’t--”

“I have to,” Dorian said. “I shouldn’t have said it was priceless, because the cost of all of this was too much, even for me.” 

He turned the moment everyone had backed away far enough, raised his arms, and set ablaze over a decade of research.

Fenris didn’t flinch, didn’t react at all as he watched the parchment and chests burn. 

Zevran passed a full glass of wine to Sirad and urged him to drink as the magister watched his friend’s research turn slowly to ash. Every so often something would pop and crack, making Sirad jump in startlement. 

Bull noted the way Fenris stared into the fire, then occasionally glanced at his sibling with that same blank expression. He wished he knew the elf better, knew of some way to gauge if he was alright or about to explode.

As the fire raged, Dorian would every so often start it again, just to make sure no small part of it could ever see the light of day. If he was going to prevent anyone else from doing what he had done, then he needed to know that it all had been destroyed. 

He watched notes written in Felix’s precise handwriting crumble into ash, watched books that Alexius had presented to him as gifts curl and then blacken. Scrolls his father had given him, stacks of bundled parchment with drawings and notes that tallied the journey Dorian had made from theory to practice were all burned, smoking up into the evening sky. 

“Love, are you alright?” Hawke whispered as he put his arms around Fenris’ middle. 

“Not here.” was all the elf replied as he watched impassively.

Dorian couldn’t make himself turn and look at the others. Too many emotions had him staring avidly at the fire. He was burning it all for himself and to rid himself of something that had not only ruined his life, but the lives of so many others. Sirad understood what Dorian was giving up, what it meant as a magister to be so consumed with research and to then destroy it all. 

But even if no one else understood, Dorian was freeing himself.

“I’m sorry love, do you need me to leave you be?” Invictus asked.

Fenris remained silent, except for a slight tightening of his hand over Invictus’. He blinked as smoke blew past them, and he was grateful so that he could blame the redness and few tears on it.

Varania stood with Dorian, unsure if she should approach her sibling or remain with her fellow mage.

No one moved until the last bit of the research was smoldering. Part of Dorian wanted to scream at himself, to call himself ten kinds of fool for having done it. But if any of them wanted peace again, dorian knew it had been the right thing to do. He took a few steps back while servants moved in to make sure the hot ashes were completely out. 

Fenris finally grabbed a drink from a nearby table and chugged it down in two gulps. He didn’t dare look at anyone as he made for another glass.

“Slow down, you don’t have the same tolerance you used to amatus.” Vic whispered.

“Don’t...just don’t Vic.” Fenris snapped.

Sirad stood next to Dorian while they watched the servants deal with the last of the fire. “I can’t believe you did it,” he said.

“Had to,” Dorian replied in a slight daze. “You know I can’t allow anyone else to follow in my footsteps. Look at what I’ve done.” 

“As you wish Fenris, I’ll see you at home when you are ready to talk.” Vic slipped past him to where Carver had fallen into conversation with Zevran and Bull hovered nearby, unsure for a change.

Dorian glanced over his shoulder, saw Fenris was alone, and slowly walked over. He stopped a few feet from the elf, and cleared his throat a few times before he could speak. 

“I’m sorry,” he said simply, giving Fenris a low bow.

Fenris stared at him as if he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to punch Dorian or hug him in thanks. “Why?” he asked instead as he found a point over the magisters shoulder to focus on.

“Why am I sorry? Because I’ve hurt you and a whole city of people for my own ego. I’ve proved myself to be everything you thought I was, what I never wanted to be. I can’t take any of it back, but I can make sure you know that no one else will be able to do it to another.” Dorian straightened carefully. 

“Why did you destroy your research? What was that supposed to prove? The damage has been done Pavus. The only good thing to come of it is that I have gotten a second chance to know my mother. For that small thing, I thank you.” Fenris’ voice was flat as he spoke, his expression blank as new parchment as his gaze finally looked over to the mage.

“As I said, to give you proof that no one else will ever be able to replicate what I did to hurt anyone else. It’s all I can give you.” Dorian gave him a low bow again and turned to move away. 

Fenris didn’t say anything else, instead he got a third glass and tried to find a quiet spot to be to himself. He didn't want anyone to coddle him or try to get him to talk. He wanted to just go, but he knew it would make things worse.

He hadn’t been sitting by himself on a bench in the corner of the courtyard long before Varania approached him. “Do you mind if i sit next to you?” she asked. 

“Doesn’t matter what I want, do as you please.” Fenris said with a slur to his voice. He glanced at the half full glass as if he was surprised to have it before he set it aside and started to rub his temples.

“Your head is hurting?” Varania asked softly. 

“Yes.” Fenris grumbled.

“I…” She reached for him, but stopped short. “Let me. You used to get headaches when you were little.” 

“I’ll let Vic deal with it later, is there something you wanted Varania?” Fenris asked as he continued to rub at his temples.

“To have a conversation with my brother,” she answered. “To find out how he is and if he needed me.” 

Fenris sighed as he sat up and looked at his sibling, resentment flickered quickly through his eyes as he saw her unmarked. “I don’t know how I am. It seems you don’t need me, you have your magister patron. Is he going to train you?” the elf asked quietly.

“He wants Sirad to,” she said candidly. “He doesn’t think he should now. And I’m an elven mage in Tevinter. If I didn’t have a patron, then I’d become a slave again.” 

She folded her hands in her lap. “Why do you think i don’t need you?” 

“You’ve freed yourself of the brands, you’ve made it well enough with his help. I’m not worth anything in your life, so you don’t need me.” Fenris said tiredly as he tried to keep himself in check.

“And you know so much about my current life to judge whether or not I need you?” she asked calmly. “I will always need you.” 

“I don’t know about your life, and you know very little of mine. I bring nothing to your life, and you are not suffering from the markings any longer. Your magister friend has been more use than I, Varania.” Fenris winced as he felt his head throb again. “I’m going to be sick…”

“You could not help me at that moment, Fenris. There is no shame in that. What Dorian and I did was wrong, though.” She frowned at him. “Stop being stubborn and let me help you.” 

“You could pull on my brands without meaning to. Invictus is the only mage who really knows how to heal me.” Fenris said before he suddenly darted away and towards the house.

“Some things never change,” she huffed as she got to feet and followed. 

Fenris barely made it to a privy before he lost his dinner and everything else. He slid down the wall as he panted and tried to breathe.

Varania sidestepped the mess and knelt down next to him. She didn’t ask for permission this time, and placed her hand on his back, rubbing in small circles. “Too much wine too soon?” 

“Too much, too fast.” Fenris mumbled as he tried to get to his feet and slid back down. He stared at her before he reached up to touch her face gently then sniffed. “You’re whole, unmarked...I want to hate you so much for that, but I can’t.”

“I wanted this for you too,” she whispered. “So much. But the cost you would have had to pay, never having known Hawke, it was too high and we couldn’t make that choice for you.” 

“So...unfair.” Fenris’ hand dropped as he tried to quell the tears that threatened.

“You’re unhappy because you want yours gone as well, because you lost the chance to have someone in your life who would know exactly what you had gone through,” she breathed. 

“No, I’m selfish. I want them gone, I’ve wanted them gone the moment I came around after the ritual.” Fenris rasped.

“That’s not selfishness,” she told him firmly. “That’s a reality anyone would have wanted. Dorian Pavus is a smart mage, Fenris. Maybe given the time I didn’t want to give him, he might be able to help you. I… I couldn’t wait, and frankly, I think he wanted to chance to see if he could use temporal magic the way he did.”

“Varania...I, I don’t know what to say.” Fenris dropped his head to his knees and finally let out the angry tears that he’d try to hold back.

“Say what you feel,” she told him. “But just talk to me, Fenris. I’m your sister, and I won’t hate you.” 

“I fucking hate you, I hate you got a second chance. I don’t mean that no…” Fenris looked stricken as he stared at her. 

“You do mean it.” She didn’t stop with the slow circles on his back. “You mean it and you feel it. don’t pretend otherwise, it does neither of us any good.” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so terrible. But seeing you get a second chance is getting to me.” Fenris admitted quietly.

“As me seeing you with your rich lover as a free man got to me in Kirkwall,” she replied. “We have both made mistakes. We are both guilty of being resentful of the other.” 

“I hate this, I hate being so full of venom after all this time.” Fenris sighed as he let his head hit the wall with a thump. 

“It was the venom they put in both of us. The magisters are the best at what they do, subjugating those they conquer. But we’re the elves of Tevinter, we have to survive or else they win. I refuse to let them win.” 

“You’ve done better than survive, you’ve gotten a second chance. One I can never have because he burned it all.” Fenris’ voice hitched on the last, hating how he envied his sister while he also felt happiness for her. “Just leave me for now, I am not...I am not fit for anyone’s presence like this.”

Varania laughed lightly, not at Fenris, but more at herself. “Oh, it’s not all gone. Dorian burned everything so no one else could replicate what he did--what we did. But it’s all in his head. He’s sworn to never use that magic again, though.” 

“Doesn’t matter. Please just leave me for awhile, let Invictus know I’m alright.” Fenris mumbled as he stared at the wall, then gagged when the smell of his vomit got to him. 

“While you sit next to your own puke? I don’t think so. Get up.” She got to her feet and urged him to his.

Fenris let her pull him to his feet and out of the room, where Invictus waited outside the privy.

“Here he is,” she said to Invictus. “I think you need to take him home.” 

“I’ll take care of him. Give my regards to the others.” Invictus said as he gently pulled Fenris to him and held him close.

“Not a baby… stop it.” Fenris complained even as he clung to his lover.

“I know you’re not, I just need to hold you.” Vic replied.

“I’ll come check on him tomorrow if you will allow it,” she said softly. 

“That’s up to him, see you later.” Vic said as he led Fenris out and towards their Villa. 

“I’m sorry I made a mess of things, Vic. You shouldn't leave on account of me.” Fenris said as he trailed along with his lover, gaze down as they went.

“I wasn’t having fun and you’re far more important to me amatus.” the mage replied as he walked, fingers slipped between Fenris’.

**

Dorian was off to one side of the party, slowly sipping at his wine and watching the servants clean up the last of the fire, until there was no trace that it had ever happened. 

Bull came up behind his lover and let his head rest on Dorian’s shoulder. “You didn’t have to do that, kadan.” he whispered.

“I did, and you know it. Nothing else was going to prove to him or the others my good intentions.” Dorian closed his eyes and leaned his head back. 

“What if it made no difference? I saw how he looked past you Dori.” Bull kissed his cheek before he waved to Krem and his father to start seeing people out. “Party’s over, we need to get you in a bath then bed.”

“Then at least I will know that no one else will be able to replicate my work.” Dorian gazed at where the research had once been. “All that work…” 

“Dori...let it go. You’ve made the choice, let it alone.” Bull said as he nudged the mage towards their rooms. 

“It’s not as easy as that,” Dorian grumbled, but let Bull lead him away. “It was a path I had dedicated so many hours to and now it’s... “ he sighed. 

Bull left the last of cleanup and seeing guests out to the others, he pulled Dorian into their room and into the bathing chamber. “Sit, let me take care of you.”

“How did I become this, Bull?” Dorian asked. with Bull’s help he got out of his clothes. “This walking caricature of a magister who mourns his research as if it were a child. Research that harmed so many people.” 

“You meant well, but the road to the Void is paved with good intent.” Bull said as he stripped and filled the tub. “You’ll do better, get better and we’ll help.”

“They will never trust me again, but at least I could give him and I some peace of mind.” Dorian got into the tub gratefully. 

“My father would have throttled me for the blood magic, and then again for destroying something that could have elevated the House.” 

“I can throttle you in his place for being stupid.” Bull offered.

“Not unless I get to use a safe-word,” Dorian murmured and sank down into the steaming water. 

“It’s not like that, I mean throttle you for being stupid, full stop.” Bull countered as he slipped in behind his lover. He tugged Dorian around so he could wash his lover’s hair while they spoke.

“All of you are right, I need to quit trying to pay for mistakes of the past. I’ve only been making things worse. But I know I’ve been doing that my whole life. I keep trying to makeup for the fact my father hated me when he died. I keep trying to make up to Sirad what i did to him, to Fenris, to anyone and everyone. My meddling has not only not eased my conscious, but has also created more strife.” He closed his eyes and let Bull’s gentle fingers work. 

“I have never paid the price for my actions, so I went ahead and made sure I did this time.” 

“Well, it is what it is and it’s done. Hopefully you can find peace after this.” Bull replied. He carried on with taking care of Dorian quietly, gently until he’d finished his own bath.

“Come on, let’s get out of here I’m getting cold and it’s hurting my knees.”

Dorian ran his fingers over the water and reheated it. “I need a moment longer,” he said, glancing away from Bull.

“Alone?” he asked as he hauled himself from the tub with a hiss for his old injury.

“I don’t know,” Dorian answered honestly. “Everything that’s happened and now destroying what I’d worked so long on, what Alexius eventually gave up his life for, Felix too is just... “ 

“Come on, get out of there and lie with me. I’m sure I’m more comfortable than a tub.” Bull offered as he strapped his brace back on.

Dorian sank down one last time in the water and then rose, stepping out of the marble tub. He took the drying cloth Bull offered him and quickly rubbed it over his wet skin. 

“Kadan, it will be alright. Come on to bed with me.” Bull said as he got up and made his way to bed. 

“Will it be alright?” Dorian asked as they both crawled into the massive bed. Dorian rubbed the drying cloth over his hair before draping it over the top of one of the bed posts. 

“Yes, it will. Come over here and let me take care of you ok?” Bull held his lover close and sighed. “It’s done, it’s over and we’re still alive. Let’s take small victories where we can yeah?” 

“Do you think…” Dorian closed his eyes and laid his head down on Bull’s chest. “Nevermind. I’m not taking my own advice.” 

The kossith warrior hummed to himself and let Dorian curl against him. “Relax kadan, I’ve got you.”

The dam broke at the moment and Dorian let the tears come. He began to sob quietly against Bull, mourning the loss of what he had, and mourning what he never would have.

“It’s ok, it’s gonna be ok. You’re safe with me Dorian. Let it out.” Bull offered as he soothed his lover, and held him close.

“Maker, it’s this place,” Dorian groaned. “This damned place where I slip back into habits I never wanted like a comfortable pair of shoes. I never would have… I never would have done these things in Skyhold, but here it is so easy. It’s so easy to get caught up in your own sense of self importance that your goal is all that fucking matters. Not your friends, not your family.” he lifted his head. 

“Take me away from here, Bull. I don’t care where, as long as It’s not some cabin on a lonely mountain. I’ll give the House to whatever person my mother wishes. we’ll go far away from politics, blood magic, and my need to prove to people I’m just as good as the others.” 

“No, your mother would hate me for it and you would miss her. Don’t make a decision like that when you’re full of self-loathing it won’t end well. Get some sleep, see how you feel tomorrow. Then if you still want to go, we do it the right way.” Bull chided him gently

“Don't ever let me go so far again,” Dorian whispered. “Remind me that I have nothing to prove anymore that… that it doesn’t matter.” 

“Of course kadan. Gotta keep you on your toes and out of trouble.” Bull agreed.

“There are times when I’m so afraid that everyone is right, that I’ve gone too far to ever redeem myself now. I’m afraid that I’m tying you down to a man who has bartered too many pieces of himself for power.” Dorian said the last on a quiet whisper, voicing fears that had been plaguing him for far too long. 

“Even if you have, we’ll be there to pull you back. Come on, rest with me you’re too wound up.” Bull said quietly.

“There needs to be more oversight,” Dorian said more to himself. “Something to prevent magisters like me from going over the line. I…” He sat up abruptly. “There needs to be policies in place.”

“Well you do know the Archon, put in the work to make it happen.” Bull said.

Dorian pressed a swift kiss to Bull’s lips and moved to climb out of the bed when he stopped himself. he turned and settled back down against his lover. “Tomorrow. And… thank you for not giving up on me.”

Bull returned the kiss and deepened it until he needed air before he pulled away. “Welcome, just don’t make me regret it.” 

“Regret is one thing I hope you never feel,” Dorian replied. 

“My regrets fled when I let you in kadan, we’ll be alright. It will just take time.” Bull pressed another gentle kiss to his mage’s temple before he snuffed the candles so they could finally rest.

Fin ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not quite the end of this AU story. More tales from Tevinter are coming, and you never know who will show up!
> 
> Thank you so much for coming along as we play with Bull and Dorian!
> 
> psikitty & cypheroftyr


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